In Defense of not Caring

Not caring what other people think, that is.

Remember when you were younger & spent too much time caring what other people thought about what you did? Maybe you even missed out on some fun because you were afraid of looking dumb?

C'mon. Admit it. Don't be afraid.

And if you still hold back out of fear of looking dumb ... Stop, you're probably missing some fun.

Here are some example just from the past 36 hours or so.

1. Walking on the beach in my work clothes.

I had to work yesterday. (Yes, on Saturday. It was my turn.) After work, I'd scheduled a haircut. The salon is literally spitting distance from the ocean. I had piled up to head home, when I looked left and thought - "There's the ocean. I should take a walk on the beach. Duh." So I turned left, parked & headed over. Then I noticed other people milling about in shorts & tanks, as well as - you know - bathing suits. Then I realized I'd probably look pretty weird in my dress pants and blouse. Then I thought "{expletive} it," and kicked off my flats. Yes, the the beach is nice when you're in comfy clothes and can really stay awhile. But the beach at all is still the beach.

2. Letting my kid eat chips for dinner on family date night at a local Mexican joint.

Certainly, that was not the plan. However, it's not like the Saturday burrito treat is some pinnacle of health food. So when she asks for chip after chip? Choose your battles. See also: all-day-buy-one-get-one drafts.

3. Letting her lay on the floor in a bookstore.

We have this atheists' tendency to forget that most places open late on Sunday. So there we were, trying to buy a table 30 minutes before the furniture store opened. Lucky for us, there was a lovely Books-A-Million with a slammin' kids' section in the same little strip. She literally ran right to that rack of books, grabbed that one & flopped on the floor. Because - hey, how's she to know to act differently there than at the library? And as for me? I breast-fed her for a year for the good immune system, so what do I care about a few germs? Anyway, it was early. I bet they vacuumed right before she laid there.

4. And finally, I must confess to actually encouraging dress-up with the crazy hat display.

Because I've never actually known anyone who got lice from trying on hats. My only regret is not getting a good pic of the one that makes it look like a shark is eating her head.

PS - It's added awesome to encounter people who know this secret too. 

Our neighbor hung outside this AM talking to us for a good half hour in her pajamas. Because she'd come out just to tell her husband something, when my little ball-of-energy went running over to get kisses from their dog, then proceeded to grab any & everything within her reach in their garage. Good stuff.

At the bookstore, we certainly made a few friends.
At the furniture store, when kiddo suddenly decided she never wanted to leave - I threw her under my arm, all wiggles & wailing, and walked out. Parents of a similar-aged girl, "We feel your pain. Have a nice day."

At the grocery store, when kiddo decided she definitely had to run back to the cart after bathroom break and throw the bouncy ball she'd grabbed. I, again, manhandled her and wrestled her back into the cart. A mom with 2 kids in her cart scooted past us and smiled, "Think happy thoughts," she said.

Indeed, think happy thoughts. 

Change: Too Much of a Good Thing?

"Change is good."

People throw that sentence around a little too freely for my taste sometimes. Oh, I grant you, change can certainly be good. But a couple of things:

• It isn't always good. 
• You can get too much of a good thing.
• Saying & knowing it's a good thing doesn't magically erase stress.

My little family of 3 is experiencing 2 of the 3 right now. Happily, all of the changes are happy ones.
But all 3 of us making big changes at once? Whoa. Just, whoa.

• My husband started a new job a few weeks ago (his second this year).
• I start a new position at current job in two weeks.
• Kiddo starts a new school next week (her second this year).

The career moves are one things. People of a certain age & mindset have to do those things. (Right? Or do we? Thought for another day ...) 

But that last one. Why oh why would we move our daughter when there's so much going on? When she's just starting to used to the newest teacher at current school.

For 4 main reasons:

1. Location - Current school is right next to my work, which is roughly 40 minutes from my house. Translation: commuting with a toddler. No fun for either of us, and unnecessary exposure to road hazards for her. (But really, just plain selfishly? I used to enjoy my commute. My coffee, my NPR - it was my me time. Currently, I spend a good half the time explaining why I cannot turn around and find the shoe or sippy she just threw on the floor.) New school is 8 minutes from my house.
2. Schedule - Our first school (attached to Husband's job of the previous few years) gave us a Tuesday/Wednesday/Thursday schedule. My parents had her on Mondays & Fridays. I loved the compartmentalization. It was like a mini-week for our family of 3. Then the extended family might do something together on Fridays. Current school made us do Monday/Wednesday/Friday. It has its benefits, but none outweigh the fact that none of us ever seems to know where we're going when - least of all the little 2 year old in the mix! New school? They said I could pick my days & seemed unable to fathom why the other school wouldn't allow it.
3. Professionalism - I love the teachers we've had at current school. Management leaves something to be desired. They seem to forget when it's time to transition a child to the next level. Therefore, my daughter, who talks like a 3 year old, was in a room with 18 month old's till well past her 2nd birthday. I finally had to jump up & down on one foot to get the director to notice. And when they did transition her? They did it sort of out of the blue, and also never bothered to tell me that I'd have to drop her off in a still different room from the one she was moving to. Also!? The staff doesn't have a uniform. Sounds like a dumb complaint, but I like knowing easily who works there. I also like my daughter to see women dressed professionally, which their dress code falls short of. New school - logo'ed polos & khakis - is that so hard?
4. PS - the proverbial icing on the cake. With all the negatives, we just kept chugging along, thinking change would be harder than maintaining the status quo. Then there were a couple of "incidents" - just things I heard from other parents. Things about teachers - not terrible things. But not warm fuzzy things. So, I had an "if not now, when" moment.

So, there you have it. The timing couldn't really be much worse. The changes will be good for all of us in the end. But facing 3 new routines at once is .. a little daunting. I know it will pass. Knowing that doesn't blow my funk away. Yoga does. An extra splash of wine and/or an extra spoon of frozen yogurt do. And, naturally, sweet times with my husband & daughter do.

Oh, PPS - that picture of us is from Christmas last year. "Things" had been the same for nearly a year & a half at the point. I just realized I was no more or less happy then. Which is to say - very happy. So, there's that.

How do you deal with change?

Now Hear This

"Now here or Nowhere."
-- said my yoga teacher on Thursday

A little cheesy. But those yoga quotes often are.
What matters is that they resonate.
And this one did.

I don't have the world's easiest time staying in the moment.
The three times I really have - twice snorkeling, and during my daughter's birth.

But I'm doing better. I don't get to spend as much time with my daughter as I'd like. So it's important to me (and for her!) that I'm present in those moments.

I'm pretty solid on no technology getting between us. (Well, except needing to take especially adorable pictures & email or post them!)

But my mind does wander.
There's a lot on my plate. I'm kind of a big deal. {**chortle**}

This new little mantra is a nice quick one -

• Pops in my head when I find it wandering.
• Reminds me that those veggies for tomorrow's salad can roast later; block towers should NOT wait.
• Gives me absolute confidence that a pedicure is THE most important thing happening on a given afternoon.

• It is less successful in helping me cope with elbows to the boob at bedtime.

As to that yoga class? I think it may have nearly killed me, but I wouldn't trade it.
I really was just there. 
This new studio? Rocks.
They push me like I would never push myself. But in an awesome, empowering way.
Sure, I felt like someone beat the living crap out of me the next day, but at the time? I kicked ass.


I did 2 things I haven't done for years.


This:

And this:

When I am in motion - I am now here.


When I am still ---- still working on it.


Now here or Nowhere.

Yoga: cheaper than therapy

I've seen blog-pals say that "blogging is cheaper than therapy." Indeed, that's part of the reason I like this little world!

You know what else is cheaper than therapy? Yoga. And? It's fantastic exercise.

I first got into yoga seriously around 2005. I truly feel it helped me settle into me. So many things changed about my life around that same time, but I started being more comfortable with me right. then.
At one point I was going to 4 or 5 classes every week. The studio was close to my work and my home. Then my home moved, then my work. I managed a class here & there for a time, but finally petered out. When I got pregnant, I decided to go back. I went about once a week during most of my pregnancy, then practiced at home for the last month or so. I think my yoga practice was a huge part of me achieving my goal of a natural birth - and doing so pleasantly!

Since my daughter arrived 2 years ago? Not so much yoga. Maybe 10 times in 2 years. Maybe.

Finally, as though the universe wanted me to go, I heard about a studio close to work. It so happens to also be close to my parents' home. It is a wonderful, wonderful place. (Check it out, locals!) I've been 4 times in 16 days. Hooked; well - re-hooked.

I'm not just being cheeky by referencing yoga being cheaper than therapy. The reason I decided to go back now, other than just now hearing about this great place, is that I had decided to go off "my meds." I had pretty serious anxiety when my daughter first came. It persisted at a tolerable (sort of, usually) level throughout the first year. I never wanted to go on anything because I wanted breastfeeding to be totally risk free. (Or something.) Anyway, I took a little help thereafter and until a few weeks ago. I've had a couple rough days here and there. Even one since I started back to yoga. But for the most part, feeling darn good.

It occurred to me tonight, that writing down the positive thoughts yoga helps me generate might help make them  last outside the studio / off the mat. This is mostly for me, but if it helps anyone else - or tempts you to yoga - all the better.


Tonight's yoga thoughts: Self-Seeing

I had two conflicting images of myself throughout the day today. I often do. I shall call it my personal dichotomy.

ONE – inept ditz

TWO – capable, caring professional.

I had/have good reasons for both.

When I left work, I was kicking myself over the reasons for Image ONE. In fact, I almost forgot about all reasons for Image TWO. 

To my credit, I decided to just let go of Image ONE. I enjoyed a little time with my daughter before yoga class. 

But then at some point during class, I remembered Image TWO, fully & completely – like an “oh, yeah” moment.

I really have no good explanation for how the thought entered my mind. 

Perhaps it had something to do with getting into a pose I never had, or hadn’t in years – that happened at least twice tonight.

Hot on its heels was the thought – why did I let the negative image take over? Even for a little while? But you know what – it was only a little while, and that’s why I’ll keep going back.

I have more to say on Self-Seeing, as well as my personal dichotomy. But there will plenty of time for that.

Namaste.

"Routine" v. "Boring"

Whew!
What a weekend!

Our normal weekend looks like this:
Friday night - something easy for dinner, watch some TV after getting the kiddo to bed.
Saturday - simple breakfast at home, play around the house & maybe take a walk, simple lunch at home, toddler nap (sometimes mom and/or dad too!), go out and do some shopping or whatnot, simple dinner out, watch some TV after getting kiddo to bed.
Sunday - see Saturday.

This weekend looked like this:
Friday night - simple dinner, making party favors for husband's 42nd birthday party. We also watched part of second-to-last Harry Potter movie.

These say - The Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything.

The other sides say - 42.

It's from the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

Yes, we are nerds.

Saturday - took daughter to my mom's & went to work for the morning. (Husband was working from home.) Went to a party for a co-worker in the afternoon. Met husband & daughter back at my mom's. The 3 of us went to his birthday party - at this place that is literally ALL THINGS - a bowling alley, movie theater, comedy club, arcade, bar, restaurant. It was a blast, but a tad overstimulating for a toddler operating on a half-nap. My dad stopped to pick up the kiddo & take her to their house for a sleepover. After they left, we CUT LOOSE. Way fun, probably much needed. 25ish friends. Fun fun fun.

Sunday - slept in a little, woke up very surprised not to be hungover. Went to get kiddo at Oma & Papa's. Went to breakfast. Stopped back at work. Kiddo fell asleep in car with daddy, thus ruining her real afternoon nap. Tried to keep the rest of the afternoon chill. Reclaimed a normal weekend with chillin&grillin. 

The weekend ... was awesome. Completely & totally awesome. But also? Exhausting. I would not trade it for anything. But, maybe the best part of it --- is reaffirming how much I love our usual routine. 

"Routine" gets a bad reputation -- lumped in with "boring." I respectfully disagree. 

My week will not be routine this week actually - only working Tuesday & Wednesday! But, my weekend will be routine. And it will be awesome.

Have a great week, everyone!

The Sun's still there (figuratively AND literally)

I'd just finished giving my Mom a laundry list of why my mood was foul, when I looked up in the sky and saw a thick cloud cover.

"And I can't even see the  sun!" I wailed.

"But you know it's still there," she responded.

Yes, I do know. I guess that's why I keep getting up & going to work - even when my week presents a perfect storm to obscure the sun.

                      

Later that day - there it was. The sun. I noticed it when I got a glimpse of a window or caught a moment of fresh air. Then, miracle of miracles, the workday was not only manageable, but I was able to knock off early.

I practically skipped to my car. My Mom, my daughter & I walked to the library. That sounds lame, right? But it was AWESOME. She literally raced into the children's area, yelling "books!" My parents take her all the time, so she ran around showing me all the cool things - the train, the puzzles, the cushion circle, the computers - oh, the computers! Then we played some serious Dora bingo.

After all that excitement, would you believe there was more?! There's a little park behind the library! It's a little boardwalk over a small pond. My daughter was en fuego! We walked out to a little gazebo, and this turtle swam over looking for a handout. 

"Oh, hey buddy! Sorry, buddy! Adios, tortuga!!"

Pretty much anything we said or did, we got immediately back from her. Right down to crossing her legs - a little difficult with her little munchkin thighs & total hilarity.

I wasn't the only (um..) role model either. There's a series of painted fiberglass turtles, and the library has one. She even got down and imitated their tortuga.

                            

For the finale? There was a totally awesome little playground. I may or may not have played on the equipment more than my daughter.

Eventually, we had to go back, rejoin our menfolk, etc & so forth.

The literal sun was shining. The sun had figuratively returned to my little world in full force. I hadn't to wait long to see it again really.

My wish for me - that my daughter will feel half as lucky to have me as I do to have my mom.

My wish for all - that you always have someone to remind that the sun is there, even when you can't see it. And someone to help you find it.

Don't ever let the clouds fool you!

Puppy Therapy

I was in a pissy mood this morning. Long story short - I forgot that there's really only one thing you can control - your own reactions. Toddler up too early (again) and refusing to go back to sleep (again) - evidently, I can't control. My heretofore beloved bangs looking not as awesome today of all days, when we have a girls' night - I can't control. Being huffy & crabby - I can control, just apparently not this morning.

However, a cup of coffee, a dose of work-pals, and some heavy-duty puppy therapy, I am now in fine spirits.

No, I don't have a dog at work. No, I didn't go out & get a real puppy. All I did was Google "French Bulldog Puppies" - I felt better. Seriously, don't you?

As the day went on, I was amazingly productive. Someday, probably when I'm old & gray, I get one of these to snuggle with me and be lazy.

This lovable lout, however, remains our one & only for as long as he lives --



My point, as far as I actually have one, is that you can make yourself feel better. You don't need to buy anything or eat anything either.

Happy Friday! :)

PS - I am now going for a cocktail, but I longer feel like I need it. Puppies are better than cocktails!

Redirecting

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye. More accurately --- see less of you for the next few months.

There's only so many areas in which one person can direct their energies. When that person is a working mom, two of those directions are non-negotiable. The limited time remaining becomes very precious. Any time taken away from parenting better darn-well be worth it.

So here's the deal - I have been spending some of that time blogging & on Twitter. Time I am about to lose. You see, I have been on a leave from my Masters in Public Health program. There were no more regular classes to take, and I couldn't take my final exams till June. But now, it's time for me to start working on my final paper and studying for said exams. So ... I have a studying & writing schedule. I strongly believe scheduling the time early and sticking to it, will allow me to feel like I have time do other things I care about.

If I want to maintain adequate time for the family & career, and maintain some sanity, something needs to go. So I will be taking a leave from the blog-o-sphere for the next few months. So the biggest redirection for the next six months: Study more; Social media less!

Of course, all work & no play just doesn't work for me, so -- I will also spend time on other things too.

I firmly believe that where you direct positive energy, you create positive energy. So -- in addition to my Masters work, here's where I'll be directing my positive energy these next few months.



1. Special time with my daughter.

• I've never considered myself a crafty person. You should see the baby blanket I made my cousin's daughter some years ago. I dropped a stitch nearly every line, and it looks like a pennant. But kid crafts - I can handle. And they're a hoot. My daughter always comes up with some spin on my plan that is totally unexpected & way fun. Weekends will still find us up to our elbows in paint or pouring corn from one container to another.

2. Special time with my Hubben.

• You can laugh all you want that this mainly means watching science fiction series after getting our Munchkin to bed, but it works for us. We also plot out home improvement projects, mainly at my nagging. We debate about where to go on future trips & reminisce about past ones. We even occasionally go on a real date.

3. Special time with my dog

• Our dog & I have been a bit on the outs since I had my baby. He's kind of a butt to her, and it just drove me crazy. He felt my annoyance. And ... he became more annoying. I got more annoyed. And so on & so forth. A few weeks ago, for whatever reason, I decided to start walking Bernie after putting the kiddo to bed. I started calling it our special time. He instantly loved it. He's more calm. He even seems more tolerant of our daughter. This has made me feel better toward him, and he's continued to respond to that. And so on & so forth.

So ... that's where my energies will be going the next few months. I will admit that I've gotten a little addicted to blogging. I wouldn't be surprised if something comes up that I just have to write about. I also hope to keep up with some of my fave blogs as well. One of which is Liberating Working Moms, where I just linked up. Won't you check them out?


Above all, I will not overextend myself. I love my life best when I stick to this -- it leaves me rested & energetic, able to fully engage with the most important "directions" in my life.

Happy New Year!

Redefining Everything - with Christmas wishes for all

When I hear fellow moms say how they miss me time or going out as much or whatnot, I try to respond appropriately. But I don’t miss it – any of it. That may sound pathetic, but it’s true.

Part of it is how ready I was for my life to change. I was a happy person before my husband and daughter. But I wanted a loving partner, and I wanted to have a family. I got both. I got both after ample time to sow my wild oats. I was out of oats.

Sometimes I feel like a different person entirely from the Sower Of Oats. I used to occasionally wish she’d sown fewer of them. But I finally understand that for whatever reason, the oats were there. If she hadn’t sown them, I don’t think I would be as happy as I am now. I’d always wonder what I was missing. I don’t have to wonder. One day I’ll make true and lasting peace with that rather large dragon tattoo she left me with. (And yes, I do often refer to past-me as a different person. Henceforth, we’ll call her SOO. Judge if you so wish.)

When I do start to feel a little frazzled with the demands of being a working mom, I find myself thinking back to my early 20’s. My couple years in DC were SOO’s heyday.  But you know what pops into my head most often? Not long nights out on the town. Not hijinx or hoopla of any kind. Nope. Instead, there’s me in my tiny apartment, in my $20 Goodwill chair, with my beloved cat Lali on my lap; I’m watching Star Trek: Voyager and crocheting (badly). The apartment was 300 square feet, in a part of town no one would visit, and its view (through a barred window) was of an alley. What’s the appeal? I had no responsibilities – outside feeding Lali and scooping her box. I held two very easy jobs while I lived there, the kind you do when you have no idea what you want to do but you have a college degree. I did not think about them when I left the office. I had fewer responsibilities even than in college – no tuition bill or grades to my parents, you see. I was farther away from home, and I lived alone. I don’t remember being lonely, though apparently I was, since I got a (totally awesome) roommate my second year there. I remember just being me, doing the lamest stuff imaginable and loving it.

It was this small, but never this cool. And never ever that bright!

All my time in DC was me time. Not because I was alone. Being alone is not necessary or sufficient for true me time. It was me time because I lacked responsibility.  By that definition, no time is me time now. Even when my daughter is with my parents or at daycare, there’s always the possibility of a phone call – with some question or report, be it mundane or dramatic, for which I am to be the final arbiter.

That would be some existence! Fortunately, that’s not how I feel.  For the most part, I’ve simply redefined me time. For one thing, I have bothered to define it at all. And I bother to make sure I take a little on a regular basis. I know I’m getting better at it, because my mind drifts less frequently to that DC apartment.

Everyone has only so much time in a day. I have things I feel I need to do: getting food on the table, keeping us all clean and in clean clothes.  That’s of course on top of working full time. (On top of professional organizations and part-time grad school.) I also need to take care of personal needs, which for me fit into three categories – 1. I need to be social in some way.  2. I need to cultivate my relationship with my husband. 3. I need to do some of the lame things I enjoyed pre-baby.  (Lucky me, 2 and 3 usually go together, since I married a fellow nerd!)

For the most part, I’ve found the rest fits into one of three other categories – A. It can wait. B. You can pay other people to do it for you. C. It doesn’t need to be done.

Now, I greatly enjoy my mommy time. I have gone completely nuts on crafty projects, mostly due to Pinterest. They don’t always work out quite the way I expect, but that’s part of the fun. I love reading to her, letting her read to me, and watching her little mind work and change.  Being a mom has introduced me to this whole other wonderful world.

The me time is essential though – for recharging as a mom and for maintaining myself as an individual. Being a working mom has forced me to redefine how I truly want to spend my time. I don’t have endless hours just to myself. I have to prioritize. And actually, that’s been a pretty good thing. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? I appreciate this resource of “me time” because it is limited!

I have given myself a few free passes; my C pile is pretty large but small compared to my A pile. I also take me time as I can get it. I make the most of little bits as they present themselves. My commute has become me time. I love my routine, especially my coffee! I love letting my mind just drift. Sometimes I plan out what I need to get done that day at work or that evening at home. I even plan the following week’s meals sometimes! I also get my news while I drive. I love NPR like a dear friend!  Sometimes the love of mind-drifting gets in the way of the news.

I may not get my hair cut or my brows waxed as often as some women, but no less often than I did pre-baby. My last brow-wax was a last-minute decision before the grocery store. I also (usually) have hours after she goes to before I want to, so that’s when I blog, tweet, Facebook, watch a little adult TV, maybe shop online, and so on.

I didn’t consciously redefine. It happened because I redefined my priorities, also not consciously. I’d simply rather come home and make yet another handprint craft with my daughter after dinner (always on bathnight!), watch Finding Nemo yet again, put her to bed, then hang out quietly with my Hubben.

With Christmas around the corner, it’s hard not to think about what you want or need. I quickly redefined wants & needs upon entering motherhood! I can’t claim that there’s nothing I want that I don’t have. I certainly have everything I need. And, I have the things that I want most. That’s an amazing gift indeed. My grown-up Christmas wish this year is that everyone could say the same.

Simple Solutions

Sometimes (okay, often-times) I over-analyze.
Sometimes (not as often as I'd like) this works out well.
Sometimes (too often) it just drives me crazy and doesn't bring a solutions.

Lately, I've noticed that sometimes, the best solution is the simplest one. And, lucky for my budget, a cheaper one.

Here are some examples:

• Clutter 
• We have an open layout home and an open construction coffee table in the living room. We store toys under the coffee table. 
• Problem: our common area looks like a play room.
• Solution: I'd been searching for a storage ottoman for months. I kept objecting to how pricey they are. This weekend, I had the earth-shattering idea to move the toys into my toddler's bedroom. It's right off the main room anyway, so it's not like I'm banishing her to Siberia to accomplish this.
• Added bonus: (I'm hoping) doing things in her room more often might get her to like sleeping there better!

• Crazy Dog
• We only had our dog for a year before our baby came along. Still, you'd think we disrupted some long-existing arrangement for him. (Granted, he was 4 when we got him and had lived with a bachelor before that, but still.)
• Problem: he acts like she is the plague despite her adoration for him. It drives me crazy. I show it. He gets more & more neurotic.
• Solution: After a brief break from him (a few days away to visit friends), I felt better toward him. I capitalized on it and started taking him out for walks after kiddo's bedtime. He's feels comfortable; he behaves better. I like him better, and I show it, and he behaves better .... and so on!
• Added bonus: see below.
• Exercise
• I've tried a few different ideas. The rowing machine & weights after kiddo's bedtime was working out pretty well till I got a sick a couple weeks ago, and I just haven't gotten back into it.
• Problem: I think we all know the challenges of establishing a work-out routine.
• Solution: See above!
• Added bonus: happy dog! :)

My point? Solutions don't have to be hard. Maybe they do require lots of thought. After all, I came to these after thinking through and trying other, more complicated ones.
In the future, when something's a little amiss, I'm going to think: is there something totally obvious that I'm overlooking?
We'll see if it keeps working!

Birthday Reflections

Tomorrow. The sun will come out.
And I?
I will turn 35.
THIRTY. FIVE.
Do you know what that means?
It means that IF I ever want another child, I will have to have a "high risk pregnancy."
That. Sucks.

Now I am 90% certain that I don't want another child. Not because of the high risk pregnancy label, but because the reason that most frequently crosses my mind for wanting one -- is so I can name another one. Kind of a dumb reason to bring another child into the world. The next most frequent -- all my friends are doing it. Also a pretty dumb reason to do anything. The reason that most frequently crosses my mind for not wanting one -- I have never been happier. Just ... why mess with it, you know?

So, I've never been happier. I don't want another child right now. Why the eff do I care that I'm turning 35 and passing into some arbitrary risk group? Because. That's right - because. Because I hate being told what I should or shouldn't do. Sure, no one says you can't have a baby after 35 and certainly more & more women do. But it's that "You can, buuuuut ..." - it's almost worse than just a black or white.

Then there's the "what if's" --- We don't want another child now. But what if someday we decide we do want another baby? Like when D's 4 or even 5. Will I feel too old then? Will I be too old then?

I used to say I had no regrets. If you go back and fix one thing in your past, how do you know what else it would change? For example, if I went back and met my husband sooner, and started a family sooner, sure I'd have more time for a 2nd child, BUT would I have gotten the amazing little girl I have now?
Now? I say - screw that, I want to pick & choose. I want to have exactly the life I have now, except be 3 years younger. (I feel like 5 or more years would be asking too much. Doesn't 3 sound reasonable?)

I know this will pass. I have always loved celebrating my birthdays. Those divisible by 5 in particular. There are 3 full days of festivities planned. Outside the concrete gifts and the external celebrations, there's the best gift I've given myself lately - acceptance. I accept who I am; I actually like myself a lot. I accept turning 35, but I don't have to like it -- at least not tonight.

Linear time, you are a cruel master.

The Quick & The Read - Recipe Schmecipe

I love to cook. I love to cook healthy for myself & my family.

I don't always have as much time as I'd like. (Okay, yes, I might have more if I interwebbed less, but whatevs.) There are plenty of great shortcuts that allow you to put a (semi-)homemade meal on the table & still have time to do fun stuff like this:

... and still get through the shower before bedtime!

Two recent success stories for us:

1. Spinach Tortellini with Peas & Pesto - That's right. Prepared tortelli (in this case, spinach pasta with ricotta filling), frozen peas, prepared pesto. We had it with Caesar salads, by which I mean - romaine lettuce from a bag + lite Caesar vinaigrette & Parmesan shavings. Munchkin's new thing is "more salad?" --- Enough to melt a dietitian mama's heart.
2. Beef Stir-fry - I chopped an onion, sauteed it in a bit of olive oil for a few minutes, then added lean "stew meat" (the stuff pre-cut for you) and cooked till it was mostly done. Then I added a bag of pre-chopped stri-fry veggies. I poured over all that a "sauce" I'd made while the onion cooked (approx: 2 tablespoons soy sauce, 2 teaspoons ground ginger, 2 teaspoons minced garlic, 2 big squeezes honey), but you could certainly use a marinade or salad dressing. I served it over 90 second Uncle Ben's whole grain medley. This I actually took a second to photograph: 

No one said it was a good photograph.

Another thing about my cooking? I tend to take recipes as suggestions or inspirations, rather than strict instructions. If I don't have this, that or the other, I improvise. Here are 2 recipes I recently took great liberties with, either by choice or necessity.

1. Roasted Butternut Squash over Farro by the Vintage Mixer - I saw the picture on Pinterest and thought it looked delicious. I read the title, decided I'd toss in some spinach & my own spice ideas. I further decided to use barley, because I had some & because I wanted to try ...
2. Slow-cooker Barley Risotto by Dietitian on a Mission - In this case, I started cooking and realized I didn't have a number of things I thought I did. I knew I didn't have a shallot and used a third of so of an onion. I thought I had far more chicken stock than I really did --- I used extra water with plenty of salt. 

I smashed them together & it turned out GREAT! My hubben liked the whole thing. The Munchkin actually said yummy over some spinach & squash before deciding all she wanted in the world was "rice." I did sneak a few chickpeas in her little face too.

Take home messages:

1. There are healthy short-cuts out there. Keep looking till you find ones that work for you. Then take variations on them to avoid "taste fatigue."
2. Don't be afraid to experiment. What's the worst that will happen? No one will like it? You & they will either suck it up & eat it. Or you'll make PBJs or have chips'n'salsa or somesuch.
3. Eating at least moderately well doesn't have to cost a fortune or exhaust you. It only requires a little thought on the front-end.
• I made the following analogy to a patient today: I have a basket of clean laundry waiting to be put away. If I took the 15 minutes one evening to just do it, it would save me the 5 minutes every morning looking for socks (by which I meant underwear).
• That basket is still waiting ....

Practicing v. Preaching

I like saving money. Therefore, I take a health assessment annually. This earns me $10 off my premium every month! It also earns me a report-card that never quite satisfies me.

This time, I was annoyed at the time. However, I'm looking at it now as an opportunity to improve. No matter how great we are, we all have room for improvement. If not on matters of health, then perhaps elsewhere? 

Well, despite the fact that I provide healthcare, I am not perfect in health. The survey generated four "opportunities for improvement" --

1. Eat more fruits & vegetables.
2. Get more exercise.
3. Better manage stress.
4. Maintain a healthy weight.

Honestly, I kind of thought half of it was BS. #1 - I reported 6 servings per day of fruits & vegetables, which I think is good. Sure, it could be better, but you're going to call me out on 6!! #4 - I was a healthy weight last year & have lost weight since; I think I have it under control - thanks. (#2 & #3 - I concede. And I'm working on them.)

Anyway, it got me thinking about whether I practice what I preach. Actually, it got me thinking more, as I've been thinking about it for some time. I  decided  to give myself my own report card.

First, I had to determine what core principles I preach. Then, how well do I practice each. Finally, if I fell short in certain areas, am I improving or actively making plans to improve. See? A report card. It's actually a rather enlightening exercise. I highly recommend it. Here, for your amusement (and perhaps useful information) is my report card:

Consume a Plant-Based Diet

Grade: B

• Recommendations:
• Eat "more" fruits & vegetables. Most people fall short of recommended daily servings of fruit & vegetables, so it's pretty safe to just say "more." The exact recommendations obviously vary by person.
• 2 techniques I suggest are - 1. Filling half your plate with fruits & vegetables. (USDA recently adopted the popular "plate method.") 2. Going "meatless" several times per week.
• Where I am:
• In my own judgment, I do eat "enough" fruits & vegetables. However, I could always eat more. I used to eat more in fact.
• What I'm doing about it:
• I have started to take a vegetarian lunch to work nearly every day. I spoke with my husband, and he's on board to eat less meat for dinners.
• Obstacles: Meat-based dinners are easy. A little marinade or rub. Pre-heat the oven, or fire-up the grill. Steam some veggies. Done. I have some great go-to veggie sides, but actual vegetarian entrees do not come as easily for me.

Choose Lean Meats & Low-Fat Dairy

Grade: A

• Recommendations: 
• Overall, most Americans consume more animal products than they should for optimal health. (Hence my first recommendation.) Most of us, don't want to become vegetarians. When we do choose animal products, we should opt for choices with less saturated fat - lean cuts of meat & low fat dairy.
• Another important concept is not adding fat during preparation. Ex: breading & frying fish takes away from the health benefits!
• Where I am:
• Pretty much awesome in this category. Yes, I occasionally get something fatty when we go out. At home, though, nearly all meals are lean meats. Chicken breast & seafood each make it on the table weekly. Often turkey (breast is best!) and lean cut of pork. I stick with very simple preparations as well.
• What I'm doing about it:
• Continuing to be awesome.

Make at Least Half your Grains Whole

Grade: A-

• Recommendations:
• This is a slogan I stole from USDA. Refined grains lose fiber, vitamins & minerals, and protein. And who knows what else, right?
• Although it would be great to make all your grains whole, it's not a realistic goal for everyone.
• Where I am:
• At least half my grains are whole. For the most part, this comes in the form of whole wheat versions of typical foods.
• What I'm doing about it:
• I'd like to see greater variety in my grain choices. I used to do more bulgar wheat, the occasional quinoa or barley. I need to get back to it.

Limit Discretionary Calories

Grade: D

• Recommendations: 
• Exact amounts vary dependent on who's doing the talking and to whom they're talking. I use some education material that recommends 75 calories per day of "discretionary" calories (so called "empty calories," i.e. sweets or alcohol). But it really depends on calorie needs, activity level, and other personal variables.
• Basically, you need to be able to get all the nutrients you need in a certain number of calories. If you take up those calories on food that doesn't give you anything else, you won't have room for the foods you need.
• Where I am:
• Ahem. I'd love to blame my husband & his sweet tooth, but the truth is ... I've always overdone it in this area. I like beer & wine (in moderation, of course!). I love dessert (not always in moderation!). 
• I do score well on (non-beer & wine) beverage choices, opting for water or sugar-free drinks. We also down-sized our serving cups for frozen yogurt a couple years back. (We nearly always stop at one serving too!)
• What I'm doing about it:
• Right now, nothing. Honesty is the best policy, right?
• My health stats are good; I'm happy with my weight; there are other areas for improvement. I'm leaving this one alone for the time being. 
• If my metabolism ever changes, as I'm sure it will, I'll know right where I can go to cut out 400 or so calories a day.

Move More

Grade: B-

• Recommendations:
• Again, it's a pretty safe bet to just tell anyone to exercise "more," as most of us get far less than we should.
• At a minimum, people should get 30 minutes of moderate activity most days of the week.
• I further recommend increasing "passive exercise" - taking the stairs, standing instead of sitting, parking farther away than necessary.
• Where I am:
• I am the queen of passive exercise. I'm fairly phobic of elevators, so the stairs are my BFF. I get to work so late that I have to park far away!
• I fall pretty short in the actual exercise department. I take a walk every weekend morning with my daughter and some evenings after dinner. Now that she walks instead of riding in the stroller, the pace is nowhere near moderate! I make it to about 1 yoga class every month.
• What I'm doing about it:
• Getting to yoga classes more often is just not going to happen. (Unless someone wants to give me a space & start-up money, so I can open a studio closer to home!) I used to run, but I realized I didn't like it & was tired of pretending I did. 
• I'm trying to do better. We got a rowing machine. I've only just discovered podcasts in the past month. A good one makes the time on the rower glide by. I also know about 10,000 stretch & tone moves from years of magazine perusal.

Writing Down SMART Goals

Grade: C

• Recommendations:
• In short, SMART goals are specific, measurable, attainable, realistic & timely. I discussed this at length a few months back.
• I always add that goals should be action-oriented, rather than results-focused. For example, not "I will lose 15 pounds in 3 months." Rather, "over the next 3 months, I'll eat 5 servings of fruits & vegetables every day, exercise 30 minutes 3 days per week, and change from whole milk to fat-free."
• Writing down goals is a proven strategy to improve your chances of accomplishing them.
• Where I am:
• I love to-do lists. I do an annual performance evaluation at work, which helps me keep written tabs on my professional goals. I journal about personal/spiritual "stuff." But, the annual health assessment results are the closest I've come to my own written health goals.
• What I'm doing about it:
• Well, I wrote this, right?
• Yes, I did. But let's get down to brass tacks.

MY HEALTH GOALS

Timeframe: achievement within 2 months

1. Increase meatless dinners to 3 weekly. Limit meaty lunches to 3 weekly.
2. Use a non-rice, non-wheat whole grain once weekly.
3. Increase rower/stretch/tone work-outs to 3 weekly.
4. Assess progress in 2 months ... just in time for New Years Resolutions.

Now, it is either crazy or very smart to set new health goals right as the holiday season gets started. I guess we'll see. What do you think?

A few of my favorite things (about family dinners)

The benefits of family dinner are well-documented. For a good article on a recent comprehensive support see Time at the Table. You can also download the full report.

Here are just a few of the many many things I personally love about our family meals.


Healthier her, healthier us*

Even though I've been a registered dietitian for 6 years, I never felt so strongly about the need to eat well before my daughter was born. ... at least when she's watching! My husband & I are her primary role models for healthy eating & healthy behavior in general. I have no business expecting her to grow up liking vegetables or wanting to be active if she doesn't see me doing likewise. So I make sure she see that!

Time to talk


As fellow parents can surely attest, a great deal of table time is spent talking to the child, talking the child into trying a bite of the veggies, talking the child out of painting with her milk or offering the dog the entire contents of her plate. We also ask her how her day was, what she likes best on the plate, what songs she likes, who her favorite friends at school are & why. She doesn't really answer yet. Unless we ask about which animal Old McDonald has on his farm. In which case, the answer is usually "um ... a pig." At this point, addressing her respectfully & with interest mainly lets her know that we respect her & are interested in her.
My husband & I also do engage in some adult conversation. Obviously, this is important for our own sanity. It is also, perhaps also obviously, important for our daughter to see. She sees parents who care about each others' days, who help each other with preparation & clean up, who say "please" & "thank you" to each other, etc & so forth. My husband typically compliments my cooking, followed by asking her "Mommy's a good cook, isn't she?" To which she responds, "Mmm-hmm!" She not only sees us expressing kind sentiments to each other and to her, she also hears us using correct language.

Quiet time


This is no news flash to anyone: it is easy to get over-stimulated out there. The world is full of sounds, images, and sensations. In the palms of our hands we have access to our emails & the days news. We also give others access to us - everywhere. In our house, the norm is cell phones stay away from the family table.
But the greatest source of peace at the table? There is no TV within view of the kitchen table or dining room table. Our kitchen, dining room & living room are all open to each other. We chose not to put a TV in our living room. I am thrilled with nearly every decision we made in building our home, but this might be the best one. Best intentions notwithstanding, it is all too easy to turn on the tube if there's one in view, and that's the end of conversation! The TV placement has worked its magic outside mealtime too. TV is not on all that much period in our house. Oh, certainly - she knows "Mickey" & "Oso" + "Elmo" & "Caillou" -- and we're getting quite familiar with "Gabba." My husband & I are also SciFi TV junkies, but I know we watch much less than when the TV was in the main living area. I cannot recommend it enough!
(In the photo, we're at the kitchen table; the dining room is behind the sink to the right; the living room to the left. And yes, there is an unmade bed directly behind my daughter's adorable face.)

What about you?


This is by no means a comprehensive list of the benefits of family meals. If you want to learn more, take a look at the links above. I also plan to do a more detailed post about how feeding my daughter has made me a healthier eater.

What do you love about family meals?

What I love about me!

I've been doing a hefty amount of self-examination lately - largely of the "I used to not be okay with this, but now I am --- and here's why" variety.

So I was intrigued by a challenge I got yesterday. This came to me via Straight Talk Jess, who got it from The Adventures of Daddy Runs a Lot. 

The challenge: Name 5 things you love about yourself. 

Right now? Not things I'm working on or getting better at? At first I thought I'd have a hard time. But after giving it a moment's thought, I actually had to narrow my list down! 

So, here we go --- the top 5 things I love about myself now:

1. I am Childlike. This is not to say childish, although sometimes I'm sure that I am that too. 

What I mean is that I daily look at the world with new eyes and take delight in small things.

This was true even before I became a mother, but has certainly increased in the past year & a half!

2. I am Polly Anna. Without even meaning to, I always find the silver lining. 

Sometimes it takes me longer than other times. 

Sometimes the silver lining is simply - I can learn from this crappy experience. 

But often, my mind jumps immediately to what is okay about an undesirable situation.

3. I am Smiling. That joy I feel? 

I like to share it. I make a point of smiling at others as I pass them in the halls or on the streets. It costs absolutely nothing. 

Very often, you see a sad or indifferent face light up at that unexpected smile. 

Other times, the face ignores you --- and those times, you stick your tongue out at them once they've passed. (Childish? or Childlike?)

4. I am a Body in Motion. I can hardly help but multi-task. 

When I'm driving alone, I'm either listening to the news, talking on the phone (using my hands-free!), eating breakfast or planning menus. 

At work, I use the time while my lunch microwaves to check Twitter or do calf-raises. 

When I'm with others, especially my family, it's no struggle to turn off the multi-tasker .. thankfully!

5. I am a Body with Purpose. I love my body. I don't mean this physically, although I'm quite pleased with it, particularly my gams & backside, if you must know. 

What I really mean is: I love what my body is capable of. 

I love that it doesn't seem to require too much of me to do it. I am in excellent health. I am reminded of my incredible good fortune daily. Going to work at a hospital does amazing things for your gratitude. I take good care of myself, but look more like I take great care.

But most of all, I love what my body did in the past 2 years. (With some help) it made a baby! It nourished her for 9 months inside, then another year outside. My arms get stronger ever day in response to her growing. I can pick her up and cradle her, just as I did when she was first born.

I never really appreciated how amazing my body was until I became a mother.

Spread the love! What do you love about you?

The Art of the Selective No

No.

Not only is it one of my daughter's new favorite words, it's also one of mine. 

(Mine is another favorite new word.)

I used to be a real "Yes Man." 

• Need someone to bake a cake for someone's birthday? I'll do it!
• Putting together a committee for new project? Pick me!
• Concert tonight? Wine tasting tomorrow? Happy Hour Friday? Here I come!

2 years ago, back when I was having my dreamy pregnancy, I had big plans to be the perfectly balanced woman - able to be a fully present mom & continue to be the social butterfly.

Well, guess what. I turned down 2 happy hours last week. Oh, I grant you - I had an actual conflict for the first. But the other? I just didn't feel like it. No, not like I was too tired from working-mom stress. I just wanted to come home and play play-do with my kid. I wanted to make her a nice dinner, sit down with her & my husband, eat & talk about our days.

I used to try to be everything at once. Motherhood has blessed me in many ways. Among them: an intense slowdown. I enjoy my career, and I'm good at it. When I'm not at work - I want to be my daughter's mom & my husband's wife. This is not to say that I don't ever want to do anything with friends. I do. I also like doing things by myself. I'm pretty good company, actually! I just no longer feel the pressure to show the world how balanced I am. 

I've heard chatter lately about "just say yes" as a philosophy. I do this too. I do it when it comes to friends' kids' fundraisers, when it comes to smiling at a stranger or paying a compliment to an acquaintance or friend. I do it when it comes to calling up a friend or my Grandpa on my way home, sending a random text or email when I'm thinking of you. I don't do it with the most precious commodity I have - my time.

I have to tell you - it's been quite freeing. I feel much more at peace. I certainly have more on my plate than I am always comfortable with, but it's so much better than it once was. 

So, my advice - for what it's worth - is this:

If your life feels crowded, start saying no. Finish your commitments to others, but jettison what you can. Don't take on new things that you're not passionate about.

Try it. You might like it.

PS - "Giraffe" & "Ocean" are other words we know & love. 

Living (& Parenting) in the Moment

Earlier today I was enjoying building block towers with my Munchkin. At the same time, I was thinking ahead to the things I wanted to do tonight, after she went to bed. I felt a pang of guilt, but it was immediately followed by the realization - "I've never been able to live 100% in the moment. Why would I be any different as a parent?"

There have been 3 discrete experiences in my adult life that I can recall truly being in the moment. By "being in the moment" - I mean not having any thoughts of anything else, not how it relates to the past or how you'll speak of it in the future.

• 1&2 - snorkeling
• 3 - birth of my daughter

1&2 lasted only a couple hours. 3, of course, lasted several. In each, I only realized I'd had the experience after it ended. I have tried to replicate the feeling in yoga classes, mediation, and just daily life. I've come close. But I have never had that utter absorption to the point of excluding all else.

That is not to say I don't enjoy my life. Far from it. It's just that worries, plans, and others creep in to my head regardless of the primary task at hand.

Actually, as I've learned more about meditation (if not always successfully practiced it), I've realized that an excellent goal is to be able to just let those other thoughts roll through your mind - not to fight them. 

• When that pang of guilt hit, I was pleased to note that the closest I come to singular experiences now are when I'm with my family. There's nothing quite like seeing the world through the eyes of a toddler to approximate living in the moment! And getting to do that with my best friend is icing on a yummy cake!
• Just now I realized that I had simply let the moment wash over me. I did not stop to ponder or kick myself ... or whatever. I just went right back to the tower of blocks.

Once again - here's to the finding the joy in the small stuff & not sweating it. Getting better & better ... one step at a time.