Props & Holding Back. Going Deeper or Opening Up

Have you seen this pose?

This pose scares the crap out of me. It always has. In Wheel, your feet are on the ground, but you're upside down. There's also this sense of vulnerability. for one - somewhere in the back of my head, I assume that some day, I'll break my neck. For another - although everyone else is in the same position, I have this fear of someone poking me in the belly - Doughboy-style.
But a couple weeks ago, I did it without fear. (I did not look like the picture.) The teacher asked us to put a block between our legs. The idea was to remind us not to splay our knees.
What it did for me though - was kept me from throwing my hips up higher than I really was ready to.

Do you ever do that in life? Push yourself a little harder than you really should? I do! Has it ever occurred to you that holding back a little might actually be a good way to get ahead? Weird, right? But true.

That block is a prop. I used to not like props in yoga. And, actually - sometimes I still don't.

Example - balances.
If I am within arms reach of a wall during standing balances, I will touch it. If not, I can't. Simple as that. Sometimes, sure - I wobble or fall out of the pose completely. But often, I just find a way to stay steady.

So yoga is like life -- props can set you free or hold you back.

So can your focus.

Say you're doing this:

Do you see how her hand is on the ground, flat palm AND her chest is rotated toward the ceiling? Those are both goals for the pose (extended side angle).

But what if you have to choose?

I used to try to get my flat palm on the floor, at any cost.

But then, one time an instructor talked a little more about opening your chest. She suggested we focus more on that. I did. I actually left my elbow on my knee. It felt SO much better. I used to hate this pose; not any more.

Once again - yoga is like life. 

Sometimes you can't do two things well at the same time. Sometimes you have to choose.

The yogini on the mat next to me could do all the things. She could do the thing from Wheel where you just stand straight up. Crazy. The thing where you take your toe in Standing Balance and hold your whole leg straight out to the side. And don't wobble at all. In Side Angle her palm was flat-smack on the floor & her sternum straight up to the ceiling.

I have also gathered that she goes all the time. I can't. Well, I could - if I never wanted to see my family.

So, I choose.

Save 1 non-working hour every week (or so), I choose them -

I make good choices. 

TGIF!

Ease & Effort

"What do I want this to be about?"
I asked myself before the yoga practice tonight.

Ease & Effort - the balance between them. Yes!

I heard that last week or the week before in the same space. But tonight, it just popped in my head & made total sense.

Ease & Effort. Yes. Finding that balance has been my whole life. I mean, the goal of my whole life.

When life's too easy - boring.
When life's too much effort - stressful.


In general, lately - and today, in particular - feeling just right. A challenging but fun day at work. A completely awesome yoga practice. Return to the family for bedtime!


Sometimes, I go a little too far toward effort or ease. Boredom & Stress equally lead away from equilibrium and away from being in the moment.

Adjustments are necessary.  No need for a tug-of-war. Just a little give & take.

Thinking about Thinking

"You are not your thoughts." -- my latest yoga-inspired pondering.

When the teacher said it, I thought - "right, you have to take action."

But then she said, "... and isn't that wonderful?"


Wait a minute! 


No. No, it is not awesome.

If I were my thoughts, imagine ...

• My house would always be impeccably clean.
• I'd read more, work out more, blog more, and sleep more.
• All my work projects would be complete and presented to the ooh's & aah's of my colleagues.
• I'd turn all my "Pins" into reality.

Or at the very least ...

• My laundry would be put away the same day it's washed.
• I'd read more OR work out more OR blog more OR sleep more.
• I would not be best known at work as "most often to forget her ID badge."
• I would have opened the sewing machine I bought to turn "Pins" into reality.

But, we all know what she meant.

We all have bad thoughts. Self-deprecating thoughts & judgmental thoughts. Mean thoughts, even sometimes violent thoughts.

The idea is that you can't control what thoughts come into your head, but you can control what you do with them.

• Let go of negative thoughts.
• Act on positive thoughts.

Still, it would be nice if this post had just written itself when I thought of it ... 8 days ago.

Shut your Mouth, and Open your Ears

Okay, that's not really what the yoga teacher said.

In describing the breathing to our few newbies, she said "Press your lips together." (Ujjayi Pranayama, or Ocean Breath, comes through the nose while constricting the throat.)

She went on to explain why she doesn't do the practice when instructing. I can't quite recall a full quote. But here's what I took away: it helps your practice to "use your listening."
And it's SO TRUE. I've been doing yoga for years. I know what nearly all the poses look like. I don't need to see the teacher do them. But I always look. It's a distraction. One I didn't even notice I was free of. But perhaps it helps explain my affinity for this place.

These two thoughts came toward the beginning of the practice. And I had to chuckle to myself.

• Shut your Mouth, and Open your Eyes. 
• Sit down, and Shut up.
• Be still, and Listen.

How often do I try to get myself to do just that? (Answer: VERY.)

Our fearless leader came back to the listening theme throughout practice. Not just listening to the poses called. Listening to your body. 

• Pushing it to do something you haven't tried before. 
• Backing off when that seems right.
• Letting it "go" without letting your mind get in the way.

She also advised, listening without "story-telling." Actually, I can't quite remember exactly how she put it. I immediately drew a parallel to conversations with others -- you should always try to listen completely to what the other person is saying, rather than trying to formulate your next statement while they're talking. It's not my finest talent.

And then? I realized anew why I have a hard time "being in the moment" - because I'm always "story-telling." Even when I'm not in a conversation, I'm thinking how I'll describe it when I tell someone about it. Yep, that includes thinking about writing this post. (Ta-da! What do you think?)

I tried not to. I'm pretty sure the only times I fully succeeded were when the practice got REALLY hard, and I had focus on not falling down or barfing. Oh! And a few other times! Like when I did this again --

Except this time? I did it without just kneeing the crap out of my triceps. I actually really balanced, like you're supposed to. See - I had to - I wore shorts and was too ridiculously sweaty to cheat with friction.

But enough about me. Let's talk about you. What do you think of me? ... I'm listening ... 

Now Hear This

"Now here or Nowhere."
-- said my yoga teacher on Thursday

A little cheesy. But those yoga quotes often are.
What matters is that they resonate.
And this one did.

I don't have the world's easiest time staying in the moment.
The three times I really have - twice snorkeling, and during my daughter's birth.

But I'm doing better. I don't get to spend as much time with my daughter as I'd like. So it's important to me (and for her!) that I'm present in those moments.

I'm pretty solid on no technology getting between us. (Well, except needing to take especially adorable pictures & email or post them!)

But my mind does wander.
There's a lot on my plate. I'm kind of a big deal. {**chortle**}

This new little mantra is a nice quick one -

• Pops in my head when I find it wandering.
• Reminds me that those veggies for tomorrow's salad can roast later; block towers should NOT wait.
• Gives me absolute confidence that a pedicure is THE most important thing happening on a given afternoon.

• It is less successful in helping me cope with elbows to the boob at bedtime.

As to that yoga class? I think it may have nearly killed me, but I wouldn't trade it.
I really was just there. 
This new studio? Rocks.
They push me like I would never push myself. But in an awesome, empowering way.
Sure, I felt like someone beat the living crap out of me the next day, but at the time? I kicked ass.


I did 2 things I haven't done for years.


This:

And this:

When I am in motion - I am now here.


When I am still ---- still working on it.


Now here or Nowhere.

Yoga: cheaper than therapy

I've seen blog-pals say that "blogging is cheaper than therapy." Indeed, that's part of the reason I like this little world!

You know what else is cheaper than therapy? Yoga. And? It's fantastic exercise.

I first got into yoga seriously around 2005. I truly feel it helped me settle into me. So many things changed about my life around that same time, but I started being more comfortable with me right. then.
At one point I was going to 4 or 5 classes every week. The studio was close to my work and my home. Then my home moved, then my work. I managed a class here & there for a time, but finally petered out. When I got pregnant, I decided to go back. I went about once a week during most of my pregnancy, then practiced at home for the last month or so. I think my yoga practice was a huge part of me achieving my goal of a natural birth - and doing so pleasantly!

Since my daughter arrived 2 years ago? Not so much yoga. Maybe 10 times in 2 years. Maybe.

Finally, as though the universe wanted me to go, I heard about a studio close to work. It so happens to also be close to my parents' home. It is a wonderful, wonderful place. (Check it out, locals!) I've been 4 times in 16 days. Hooked; well - re-hooked.

I'm not just being cheeky by referencing yoga being cheaper than therapy. The reason I decided to go back now, other than just now hearing about this great place, is that I had decided to go off "my meds." I had pretty serious anxiety when my daughter first came. It persisted at a tolerable (sort of, usually) level throughout the first year. I never wanted to go on anything because I wanted breastfeeding to be totally risk free. (Or something.) Anyway, I took a little help thereafter and until a few weeks ago. I've had a couple rough days here and there. Even one since I started back to yoga. But for the most part, feeling darn good.

It occurred to me tonight, that writing down the positive thoughts yoga helps me generate might help make them  last outside the studio / off the mat. This is mostly for me, but if it helps anyone else - or tempts you to yoga - all the better.


Tonight's yoga thoughts: Self-Seeing

I had two conflicting images of myself throughout the day today. I often do. I shall call it my personal dichotomy.

ONE – inept ditz

TWO – capable, caring professional.

I had/have good reasons for both.

When I left work, I was kicking myself over the reasons for Image ONE. In fact, I almost forgot about all reasons for Image TWO. 

To my credit, I decided to just let go of Image ONE. I enjoyed a little time with my daughter before yoga class. 

But then at some point during class, I remembered Image TWO, fully & completely – like an “oh, yeah” moment.

I really have no good explanation for how the thought entered my mind. 

Perhaps it had something to do with getting into a pose I never had, or hadn’t in years – that happened at least twice tonight.

Hot on its heels was the thought – why did I let the negative image take over? Even for a little while? But you know what – it was only a little while, and that’s why I’ll keep going back.

I have more to say on Self-Seeing, as well as my personal dichotomy. But there will plenty of time for that.

Namaste.