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Sunday, July 8, 2012

Truth & Lies

So, before you become a parent, parents tell you many things.

Some of them seem obvious, and you wonder why they even bother to tell you. Like how much you'll love your kids and how tired you'll be. (But then you have the kids and realize that on both counts, no - you really couldn't even imagine.)

Some of them seem like BS, but turn out to be true. Others seem like BS, and turn out to be BS.

Here are a few examples (re)learned today:

1. Giving toddlers choices can work.

  • This one seemed like BS. Duh, the toddler will choose their way every time. Just like I would. BUT - one must be crafty. After all, one is the adult. Not - "Do you want to eat your green beans or not?" Rather - "Do you want to eat green beans or carrots?"
  • Witness - This girl was dirty after running around "ChuckECheese's house" for 2 hours.

So, after dinner tonight, I told my daughter it was time for she & mommy to take a shower. She didn't wanna. In fact, she wanted to scream really loudly in my ear & pull my hair. I calmly asked if she'd like to take a shower or a bath. I did this mainly to kill time, not out of any real hope of success. BUT? It worked. She stopped pulling, stopped screaming, and answered "a bath." So, she took a bath, and I took a shower. (They're adjoining, but Daddy also watched to make sure she didn't drown.)

2. You won't want to laugh when it's your kid.
  • LIE
  • A friend or cousin said this to me one time, when I had to leave the room to keep from laughing at something terribly naughty their kid was doing. I had to do this literally ALL THE TIME. I apologized and told them I worried what I'd do when I had kids. Their response put my mind ease. Falsely.
  • Witness - bath time tonight (see above). Before my serenity breakthrough, I was biting my lip to keep from laughing, even as I was gripping my hair at the roots to keep from losing it.
And, once we finally got her into bed, I laid next to her till she fell asleep. In addition to a litany of other toddler insanity, I heard - "Oh, a booger. I like to eat boogers. Mmmm ... yummy!" accompanied by smacking of lips. Yep, I let my kid eat a booger. But, doggoneit, she didn't get a rise out of me! And once again, I had to bit my lip to keep from laughing hysterically.

3. ChuckECheese is awesome.

  • Okay, not everyone told me that. But some variation thereof. Like how much you enjoy things you would never dream of and so on.
  • It was totally awesome to see the absolute delight in my daughter's eyes while we ran around and played games. Her exuberance at ChuckE's entrance & performance were so cute. It was awesome to help our neighbors celebrate their son's 5th birthday.
  • BUT? The actual staggering toward the end, as though drunk on pizza, cake and flashing lights - not awesome. Slightly terrifying, actually. The fact that she was all whacked out on crazy balls the rest of the afternoon & evening - exhausting and (again) pretty scary. 
I mean, she's two & all, but she was crazy even for her. I mean, what does that place do to kids' brains? Or my brain for that matter? I feel like I have a hangover. I'm all nauseous and hungry at the same time. I have a headache, and I hurt all over. Glad we went, but I'd be even more glad if we never go again!

PS - believe it or not - their pizza's pretty good. They put it on this bubbled pan that keeps the crust crispy. (Feel like I need to give them a shout out, because who knows - maybe I just have a toddler, and tonight's craziness has nothing to do with their crack-like facility.)

1 comment:

  1. LOve This!!! We went when our girls were two. Never went back. They still remember what a great time they had. At 15.'ve stumbled onto the truth. But those who say it never tell you how to do that right.

    Laughing...Girl, please. Laugh or cry. Laugh. Or. Cry. At 15. And, ooh, 11.