Stolen Moments

This morning - I should have left for work a good 30 minutes earlier than I did.
This is the norm.
Normally, I'm just running around like the proverbial chicken sans head.
This morning? I had everything ready.
Yet, instead of walking out that door (relatively) on time, I opted to sit down and eat breakfast at the table with my daughter. (The norm is both of us eating in the car.)
It was lovely. Lovely, I say!

Earlier this week, I saw a quote on good-ole Pinterest --




I love it. I didn't need her to tell me, but I did need her to sum of my thoughts exactly.

So, I got to work a little later than I should. (As it happened, I knew there were no special responsibilities or meetings to attend.)

I got my work done in a timely fashion. I even went above & beyond in a some ways.
 I thought about just going straight home & getting an early start on dinner. But dinner was leftovers.
So ... go home & just play?
Sure ... but I bet you know as well as I do - once you get home, you find some task or chore that you should do - instead of just enjoying some time with your kiddo.
So ... the park? the library?

When I got to her school, she was hot & sweaty from the playground, and it was hot & sweaty outside. So, the library it was. She goes with my parents at least once a week and loves it. It's walking distance from their house and not far from my work. I considered calling them, but I was selfish - I wanted my baby all to myself.

She was a hoot. A little louder than the library probably merits. We looked under tables & in baskets, but we kept misplacing her inside voice.

Oh, well - if you're having this much fun, who cares?

KISSes & Wings

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. It bears repeating:

Entertaining need not be stressful.

It can (and should) be as much fun for you to experience at the time as it is to hear accolades later on the delicious food.

How, you ask?

Easy. Of course.

Witness.

 Me & my love. Yes, I'm wearing an apron.

My dad & my dog.

My mom & my daughter. With the world's first environmentally friend H3.

As my dad puts it - use the KISS system -- Keep It Simple, Stupid. (I substitute with Silly, for my self-esteem.)

Here's how I do KISS.

Step 1: Menu plan wisely.

My strategy is to choose one stand-out item or two. For the rest, low maintenance. (Related post: Nothing to Brag About. From LAST year! :) See, I am well aware that I repeat myself.)

I don't want a whole meal catered or store-bought, but I don't' have the time to spend 2 days in the kitchen.

Step 2: People like to help. Let them.

Yes, it's your party. You have a certain idea of what things should "look like." If you don't want a hodgepodge, that's okay! Ask for something you can always use - such as booze.

I usually run short on tortilla chips and ice. I ask for these. (And, yes - I always serve something that requires tortilla chips.)

If there's still prep to do when guests arrive, give jobs to the askers. Nothing too strenuous; they're still guests!

In Action

This past weekend my Aunt was visiting from Nebraska. She & her husband and my parents came over to our house Saturday night. Everyone stayed over, so there was also breakfast Sunday.

Step 2 came in right away. My mom offered to help. I thought it would be easier to each take a meal. I took dinner; she took breakfast. She also offered to BYOB for Saturday, so sure - thanks.

Step 1 was, as always, a heavy-hitter for me. I decided I wanted to do grilled chicken wings. I wanted to use "my" BBQ sauce but also wanted some hot ones but also wanted some my daughter would be sure to eat. SO ... 3 types of wings? There's your star! All the wings were grilled over about 350F, turned every few minutes till done.

1. "My" BBQ sauce - see again Nothing to Brag About.
• I rubbed them with salt & pepper & put them in a zippie with lemon, EVOO & red wine vinegar for a couple hours. Then tossed them on the grill.
2. A new & delicious preparation found on AllRecipes.com: Cola-Brined Wings.
• The only alteration I made was to add a bit of hot sauce to the rub. I happened to have some from a local Fresh-Mex joint, but Tabasco or Louisiana or whatnot would work just fine.
3. Finally - Caesar salad dressing. 
• That is all. Because how do you improve upon it? If you didn't know about my Caesar obsession before, you do know. 
• This was the one for the little one, and I marinated drummies for her, on the correct assumption she'd have fun eating them.

The sides hit the back burner ... or, in this case? The deli & produce sections. I am lucky enough to LOVE my grocery store, Publix. And their red potato salad? To. Die. For. And? cheaper than I could make it. I threw in a bag'o'slaw (the yummy "Asian" kind) 

AND? I had so much time leftover, I decided to make an awesome black bean dip/salad for appetizer time. You know the one - black beans, tomatoes, whatever else you have and/or like.

The below-the-titles there? Cheese & crackers, almonds, cherry tomatoes. HUGE hits, especially the tomatoes - served with just salt - complete awesome with a light beer. I kid you not.

This may not be the way to entertain for something formal. But I can't imagine myself ever doing that. I got to  be out with my family, playing bocce ball, watching my daughter "drive," BS-ing and relaxing. I even tweeted  & FB'ed a bit. I wasn't stuck slaving, nor was I exhausted from doing so earlier in the day.

As far as Florida's concerned, it's summer. And as far as I'm concerned, I shall never eat wings any other way again.

I hope you'll try it.

KISSes!!!

Proust Questionnaire

About a month ago, I vowed to steal an idea from one of my favorite Tweeple. She reads Vanity Fair. I myself never have, but maybe someday. Apparently, in this magazine, they give the same questionnaire to a different celebrity in each issue. It is called the Proust Questionnaire. Don't ask me why. I'm quite literate but have no intention ever of reading Proust.
Anyway, stumped for writing ideas, she answered the questions. I loved it! See her excellent answers. Now see me try not just to copy her answers outright.


What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Spending an entire day with my family within view of the ocean.
What is your greatest fear?
Not being able to handle something that comes my way - be it an opportunity or a tragedy.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Self-deprecation
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Hypocrisy
What is your greatest extravagance?
What I spend the most money on that is just for me? Wine, I guess. Or maybe funky jewelry.
What is your favorite journey?
The many I've taken from self-doubt to self-confidence.
What do you dislike most about your appearance?
My right shoulder blade. Oh, you heard me. Not just because 18-year-old me got that overly large dragon tattoo. Also, thanks to a broken collarbone courtesy of 13-year-old me, my shoulder blade is all cock-eyed. 
Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
Like. Um. I'm sorry. I'm sorry but.
What is your greatest regret?
That some of the journeys from self-doubt to self-confidence took too long.
What or who is the greatest love of your life?
Who: my husband & my daughter. What: Florida - ocean, sunshine & it brought me the "who".
When and where were you happiest?
Big picture? Happiness as a total state of contentment - here & now. One moment in time? Happiness as a state of a rapture that pushes everything else out of your mind - my labor with my daughter; snorkeling the Great Barrier Reef on our honeymoon.
Which talent would you most like to have?
To effortlessly learn new languages.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
(Mostly) overcoming my self-doubts, choosing a path & sticking to it
If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?
I'd like to come back as a whale. I heard a RadioLab story - when a whale dies & sinks to the bottom of the ocean, its body becomes an ecosystem that can last 50-75 years, which is about as long as it lived. How cool is that? That's my spirituality.
What is your most treasured possession?
My wedding & engagement rings + the opal I got on our honeymoon. About other things, my husband & I tell each other "they're just things." But these things are one of a kinds & not replaceable. I would throw up if I lost any of them.
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Powerlessness in the face of something terrible.
Where would you like to live?
Walking distance to the ocean.
What is your favorite occupation?
Projects with the little one or playing outside with her. Watching the tube or doing something equally lame with the husband after the little one goes to bed.
What is your most marked characteristic?
Indecision, or maybe not.
What do you most value in your friends?
Loyalty
Who are your favorite writers?
Madeline L'Engle, Salman Rushdie, Margaret Atwood, Ann Patchett
Who is your favorite hero of fiction?
Meg Murray
Who are your heroes in real life?
My parents & grandparents. Some of my patients & their families.
What are your favorite names?
Owen, Simon, Kyra, Charlotte
What is it that you most dislike?
Hypocrisy
How would you like to die?
Satisfied
What is your motto?
"Live now. Make now always the most precious time. Now will never come again." -- Captain Picard, Star Trek: TNG
Also - Resistance is Futile. ;)


Now, your turn?

Redefining Intimacy

My top 3 readers are my Mom, my Dad, and my Grandpa. Sooo ... NO, this post is not about intimacy. Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge.

In fact, it's about exactly not that.

That is all fine & good, and very important for a marriage. BUT, I think we all know you don't have to be married for that.

What I had to be married to discover is the intimacy of day-to-day life.

My husband is working on a budget. Of course, I am involved. He's the keeper of the Excel file; I have a big red veto pen.

I like my job.

I also like that we're having fun.

This is a big, serious deal. Money is one of the biggest sources of stress for couples (and individuals). Yet, I'm having fun. (Probably more than the keeper of the Excel file.)

We are making big decisions and talking seriously, but also poking fun at things the other considers a necessity and cracking unrelated jokes.

I think what has made this fun for me is that it's part of deepening our partnership. That's kind of the gist of our wedding vows - here's a choice quote: "Marriage is a promise that takes a lifetime to fulfill."

It's not all fancy dinners and exciting trips. It's budgets, yard work, and shuffling kids to school. If you can do those things, and not only not kill each other but have fun doing it ...

You're on to something! Here's to your lifetime & ours!

A lifetime ago ... our daughter's, that is! :)

Past Perfect

Last night. My backyard. Sitting with my baby in a 70-year-old glider. (Unfortunately, I did not have my camera-hand available! But you get the idea)

I am the 4th generation of my family to sit in this glider. My parents gave it to me about a year ago. Here we are then -

My parents now live 30 minutes from me; I see them at least twice weekly and talk to one or both daily. I talk to my grandpa at least once weekly. I don't really need a connection to the past. Yet, it occurred to me that I certainly have one is this bit of furniture.

My daughter & I sit there after a day apart. She straddles my lap and rests her little head on my shoulder. We glide and watch the birds and listen to their songs. (And by the way, she's not a baby anymore. She turned TWO Sunday!)

Yesterday, as so often, there were many cardinals among the melee. I let my mind drift.

First, I had a perfectly silly thought. I wondered whether Cardinals were named after the bird or vice versa. Then, just as quickly, I realized that was totally ridiculous, that of course high-ranking Church officials had not chosen their names or wardrobes to resemble a little bird. Sometimes you have to wait for inspiration to strike.

Then I saw a cardinal that was simply perfect. His red so brilliant. I thought, "why aren't they all that red?" Evolution and all. Being more eye-catching, he's at a competitive advantage. After thousands of years, here he was - a total stand-out. Yet, the duller (still beautiful) birds would also procreate.

This struck me as a cheerful thought. If an entire species hasn't quite gotten it right, and after thousands of years - then surely I can be excused for my imperfections. Yesterday was a near-perfect day, but today? Today, this thought was a handy one - forgotten wallet, dropped & exploded soda, leaking lunch bag (balsamic vinegar!) and so on.

My daughter's birth story

I wrote this a few weeks after my daughter was born. Nearly 2 years ago!!! 1. where does the time go? 2. I had to make very few changes. I still feel so much the same. Wonder wonder of motherhood!

March 31^st  2010 - I had a follow-up with my OB. The nurse asked me if I was having any contractions or Braxton-Hicks. I said no. Then she asked me more questions – was my belly getting tight & hard like a basketball? Did I have intermittent back pain? Did I have pressure across the bottom of my abdomen? To each question, I answered “yes.” And to each “yes,” she responded: “that’s a contraction.” The doctor asked whether I wanted an exam to see how far dilated I was. I opted out, knowing that it didn’t really tell anything about how soon my daughter would arrive. I went home under the impression that I’d been having Braxton-Hicks contractions and not knowing it. I chalked this up to having expected worse pain based on others’ accounts.

I got home and explained to Barry about the contractions. We both laughed. Around 5 or 5:30, I noticed that the contractions were more frequent than previous and assumed I was just more mindful of them. We watched some TV and hung out. Then, around 7 or 8, I noticed that these feelings were more or less 12 minutes apart. I had really wanted not to deliver on my due date. I thought my daughter should not be an April Fools’ baby! I decided I was not in labor. I told my husband to go ahead and play his game on line, and that I was going to bed and assumed it would all go away by morning and that we’d have her over the weekend. I lay in bed from 9 to 11, jumping up about every 5 minutes to have a contraction, which I continued to take as GI distress. Finally, around 11, I could deny it no longer. I’d been having regular contractions for hours. In my head, I forgot about 5 to 9, and thought I’d been in labor since 9. Therefore, I thought I had hours & hours more to go. Barry called our doula and the doctors’ office, telling both we didn’t need them just yet. For about an hour, my husband & I handled the contractions together – except by that point I was in a rhythm and really most comfortable sitting on the toilet during the contraction. I alternated that with bending over either the bed or the bathroom counter. Yoga was so much a part of my life at this point, that I was doing the breathing without having to really tell myself to.

At midnight, we decided Barry should get some rest --- it was going to be a long day and one of us should be rested. I continued to have regular contractions, about 5 minutes apart and increasing in intensity. At 2:30, I woke up, because I wanted support through the contractions. However, I was so “in my zone,” that I kept basically pushing him away to have them solo! He prepped our bags and made some preparations around the house for our departure. We called our doula and the hospital to tell them we were on our way around 4:30.

I settled into our Honda Pilot backwards & managed to strap in – not sure what would have happened in a collision! As we went over the first bump, my water broke – big time! It continued to leak the whole way to the hospital.

When we arrived, I sent Barry ahead to the check-in, while I went to the bathroom right inside to have another contraction! The nurse was ready for me when I got in. She was wonderful! She had clearly seen her share of births and was very familiar with and respectful of the items in my birth preferences. She did an exam and asked, “How long were you in labor at home?” I said only since 9; she seemed a little disbelieving and went on to say that I was almost ready to push. I sort of didn’t believe that! 

The weirdest thing was how I just wanted to be on the toilet. At this point, our doula talked me through the contractions. I’d done well at home with keeping the rest of my body relaxed, and Barry had reminded me to keep my exhale-hums in low tones. I was no longer doing those things! Our doula reminded me to and also directed my focus. She also gave Barry a break! The nurse did another exam, and she said she could feel the baby's head. She paged the desk to ask if the midwife, Evelyn, was there yet. She told me in the meantime that if Evelyn didn’t get in the room in a few minutes that I could go ahead and push. Evelyn was there and came right in. She asked for the bar to be removed and had me lay back. I was a bit surprised but it actually felt good at this point to recline. Our doula and nurse held my legs back into a squat-like position. Barry was right by my head and swabbing my face with a cool damp cloth. They told me I could push, and I think I said I didn’t remember how! I also remember thinking, “fine. I’ll push, but a baby is not going to come out of me!” I tried once and didn’t feel like I’d done it right. I tried again and felt like I knew what to do. I pushed hard, and Evelyn said the head was out. (I remember that I had wanted to feel her head as she crowned, but it all happened so fast that I didn’t even think of it!) I pushed again, and Evelyn said she was out. I was so relieved. I heard her crying, but it was almost through a fog. I still almost didn’t believe it! Then they placed her on my belly. It was a strange sensation: the same weight but clearly different. I had asked for skin-to-skin contact; it had all happened so fast that I was still wearing my nightgown! We got it off pretty quickly, and it was just a wonderful feeling. They didn’t even wipe her off. It was the most natural, amazing experience.

As the two of us lay there, Barry talked quietly to us and told me he loved me and was so proud of me. Our daughter was so beautiful from the first moment. Thanks to the quick delivery, she had a perfectly shaped head!

Every moment was a wonder. Every moment since has been an amazing learning experience.

We didn’t know either how hard or how wonderful parenthood would be. Although I feel like I’d tried to prepare for parenthood as I had for birth, I also feel like I was not nearly so well prepared. I’ve mused since about why that is. I think it’s for multiple reasons. 1. With the birth, I was able to get totally out of my head & simply trust my body. In parenthood, you have to consider long-term consequences. In modern society, our instincts don’t always mesh with reality! 2. Ignorance is bliss. I almost feel like denying I was in labor for so long helped me get through it with such flying colors! 3. The birth lasted a finite amount of time. I always knew I could get through it because, no matter what, there was a defined ending. Parenthood has no end. It almost seems like every day the enormity of the enterprise grows in my eyes! 4. My love for my daughter has no end. Everyone tells you that you don’t know how much you’ll love your children until you have them. In that sense, you’re sort of prepared. BUT, it’s true – you love them so much more than you ever thought possible, and there’s really no way to be prepared for it!

All in all – you care more than you ever have before in life, and you’re less sure of yourself than ever before … even without the hormones & sleep deprivation!

I! LOVE! YOU!

This is the new thing to say at our house. I already can't remember who started it. It wasn't me. Either my Hubben or my Munchkin, pointed emphatically at the other while saying the nightly "I love you." Then they went back & forth saying it and pointing, each time more emphatically than the last. Sometimes I get to play. Sometimes the dog even gets love.

It's freaking adorable.

Today, as we were getting ready to leave school, I was holding my little joy-bundle. She pointed at teacher #1 and did it. As you can imagine, the teachers nearly died. Then, teacher #2 got the same treatment.

Here's how I know I'm meant to be a working mom: there was not one instant of jealousy. Not one instant. I was so happy. So happy that my daughter is happy at her new school. That she's comfortable enough with her world to bond with others. That she's surrounded by sweet ladies who love her back.

But .. how could they not?