Thinking about Thinking

"You are not your thoughts." -- my latest yoga-inspired pondering.

When the teacher said it, I thought - "right, you have to take action."

But then she said, "... and isn't that wonderful?"


Wait a minute! 


No. No, it is not awesome.

If I were my thoughts, imagine ...

• My house would always be impeccably clean.
• I'd read more, work out more, blog more, and sleep more.
• All my work projects would be complete and presented to the ooh's & aah's of my colleagues.
• I'd turn all my "Pins" into reality.

Or at the very least ...

• My laundry would be put away the same day it's washed.
• I'd read more OR work out more OR blog more OR sleep more.
• I would not be best known at work as "most often to forget her ID badge."
• I would have opened the sewing machine I bought to turn "Pins" into reality.

But, we all know what she meant.

We all have bad thoughts. Self-deprecating thoughts & judgmental thoughts. Mean thoughts, even sometimes violent thoughts.

The idea is that you can't control what thoughts come into your head, but you can control what you do with them.

• Let go of negative thoughts.
• Act on positive thoughts.

Still, it would be nice if this post had just written itself when I thought of it ... 8 days ago.

Silence is Golden ... and now Broken (Healthcare part 1)

I've been trying not to write this post for over a month now.
It's too serious.
This blog is supposed to be light-hearted, a place to unwind. At the heaviest, to consider parenting dilemmas, such as which Disney princess to allow my daughter to emulate.
But. I can't keep this inside any more.
I don't get opposition to the Affordable Care Act. Every time I hear "Obamacare," I cringe. I guess it's appropriate. I assume that's the part many opponents dislike about the law.

Most people aren't going to argue with the goal of the law - improved access to health services and improved health outcomes for all Americans. At least, they aren't going to argue with it out loud.

And the thing is - each part of it is necessary. They imply each other. The best analogy I've seen is "the three-legged stool."

1. Require insurance companies to cover everyone.
2. Mandate everyone to have health insurance.
3. Subsidize people who truly cannot afford health insurance.

Remove one, and the stool falls down. And, the mandate is the one with a big bull's eye on its back, right?

• If insurance companies cover everyone, but not everyone has to buy -- healthy people wait till their sick to buy insurance; premiums go up up up.

If you want to opt out of buying insurance, and you were never ever going to use the healthcare system? More power to you. 

But when people get sick? (Even if they intentionally are intentionally uninsured or truly couldn't afford it.) They typically go get healthcare. And when uninsured people get healthcare, hospitals lose money. So -- Hospitals have to charge insurance companies more for services to their patients to make up the difference. 

And then? MY premiums go up.

So I? I believe in the mandate. I believe it in strongly.

Did you get your kids vaccinated with all the vaccines your doctor said was mandatory? Most likely. Because otherwise, your kids can't go to school.

We mandate vaccines because they only work when enough people have them -- herd immunity.

Insurance is similar. It only works if enough people have it.

Now that I've started, I find I have more to say about this. Like - 1. why I would prefer my health insurance not be tied to my employer. And 2. what a great world it would be if there were no health disparities. But those will have to wait for another day.

Truth & Lies

So, before you become a parent, parents tell you many things.

Some of them seem obvious, and you wonder why they even bother to tell you. Like how much you'll love your kids and how tired you'll be. (But then you have the kids and realize that on both counts, no - you really couldn't even imagine.)

Some of them seem like BS, but turn out to be true. Others seem like BS, and turn out to be BS.

Here are a few examples (re)learned today:

1. Giving toddlers choices can work.

• TRUTH
• This one seemed like BS. Duh, the toddler will choose their way every time. Just like I would. BUT - one must be crafty. After all, one is the adult. Not - "Do you want to eat your green beans or not?" Rather - "Do you want to eat green beans or carrots?"
• Witness - This girl was dirty after running around "ChuckECheese's house" for 2 hours.

So, after dinner tonight, I told my daughter it was time for she & mommy to take a shower. She didn't wanna. In fact, she wanted to scream really loudly in my ear & pull my hair. I calmly asked if she'd like to take a shower or a bath. I did this mainly to kill time, not out of any real hope of success. BUT? It worked. She stopped pulling, stopped screaming, and answered "a bath." So, she took a bath, and I took a shower. (They're adjoining, but Daddy also watched to make sure she didn't drown.)

2. You won't want to laugh when it's your kid.

• LIE
• A friend or cousin said this to me one time, when I had to leave the room to keep from laughing at something terribly naughty their kid was doing. I had to do this literally ALL THE TIME. I apologized and told them I worried what I'd do when I had kids. Their response put my mind ease. Falsely.
• Witness - bath time tonight (see above). Before my serenity breakthrough, I was biting my lip to keep from laughing, even as I was gripping my hair at the roots to keep from losing it.

And, once we finally got her into bed, I laid next to her till she fell asleep. In addition to a litany of other toddler insanity, I heard - "Oh, a booger. I like to eat boogers. Mmmm ... yummy!" accompanied by smacking of lips. Yep, I let my kid eat a booger. But, doggoneit, she didn't get a rise out of me! And once again, I had to bit my lip to keep from laughing hysterically.

3. ChuckECheese is awesome.

• TRUTH AND LIE
• Okay, not everyone told me that. But some variation thereof. Like how much you enjoy things you would never dream of and so on.
• It was totally awesome to see the absolute delight in my daughter's eyes while we ran around and played games. Her exuberance at ChuckE's entrance & performance were so cute. It was awesome to help our neighbors celebrate their son's 5th birthday.
• BUT? The actual staggering toward the end, as though drunk on pizza, cake and flashing lights - not awesome. Slightly terrifying, actually. The fact that she was all whacked out on crazy balls the rest of the afternoon & evening - exhausting and (again) pretty scary. 

I mean, she's two & all, but she was crazy even for her. I mean, what does that place do to kids' brains? Or my brain for that matter? I feel like I have a hangover. I'm all nauseous and hungry at the same time. I have a headache, and I hurt all over. Glad we went, but I'd be even more glad if we never go again!

PS - believe it or not - their pizza's pretty good. They put it on this bubbled pan that keeps the crust crispy. (Feel like I need to give them a shout out, because who knows - maybe I just have a toddler, and tonight's craziness has nothing to do with their crack-like facility.)

Summer Nights // Movie Night

The theater? We're not ready. I mentioned this recently to explain why I won't see the much anticipated & already beloved Brave for many moons to come.

However, I realized anew this evening - we are not ready for the theater.

Tonight marks movie #3 that we are half-way through.

Let's recap:

1. A few months back - Snow White - too scary. (Yes, vanity is terribly scary. Let's all remember that.) We made it to her first night in the Dwarfs' cottage.






2. A couple weeks ago - Cars - too esoteric. Past the opening high-paced scenes of races & such other flashiness, it drops into cautionary tale against egotism. We made it till McQueen learns that Doc won 3 Piston Cups.



3. Tonight - Follow That Bird - Okay, first of all? Not my first choice. My plan was to finish Cars and eat a pizza.
But we had no pizza, and it turns out the AppleTV was downstairs (which, I learned after getting my lovely & our makeshift dinner of hummus etc UPstairs) ... so Netflix!
However ... we were quite enjoying the 27 year old Sesame big-screen foray, when I decided we should get ready for bed & finish the movie downstairs. (Love you, technology!)
BUT? Child associates bed routine with Dora or Diego. So, there you have it. Big Bird had just escaped Ms. Finch disguised as a haystack when we lost him.
But my favorite part was, of course, Waylon Jennings. (And if you didn't know that, do you even know me at all?)



Spoiler Alert!
I know how each of these movies ends --
1. Snow White ignores the Dwarfs' good advice and any modicum of common sense and eats the apple from the totally creepy looking old woman, falls into a death-like sleep, wakes at the kiss of her one true love, and lives happily ever after. (Oh, and the evil queen gets chased off a cliff to her death, which is why I think we'll wait a few years to finish it! PS - anybody else think it's weird that this woman obsessed with her beauty disguises herself as a hideous beggar?)
2. Lightening McQueen learns the value of true friendship. I'm also guessing that at some point Doc had to learn a similar lesson.
3. Big Bird gets back to Sesame Street. (I really hope Waylon makes another appearance. I seriously teared up. Click the link above. Seriously.)

I don't mind at all watching half a movie at my house. But (again - if you know me at all?) not gonna pay for 2 adults & 1 kid to go to the theater, get even a small snack ... then stay for half.
Not. Gonna. Do it.

Any movie suggestions to wile away some hot summer hours with a 2.25 year-old?

Tale as Old as Time

I haven't seen Brave yet.
I want to, but I won't till it comes out at least on RedBox, and probably not till Netflix. But that's just because my daughter is 2. I will not brave the theater with her for some time to come. (See what I did there?)We will not use a date-night for a family flick either.

So ... excited but willing to wait.

Excited why?
Because I love kick-ass girls, obviously. I also love how many little boys I know who are loving this kick-ass Merida.

But I don't get people thinking the kick-ass heroine is new.

Before they lowered the neckline on her dress and started merchandising her along-side my much maligned Cinderella, Belle kicked ass.

Kicked ass why?

1. Loves to read.
2. Cares not a lick if the townspeople think she's odd.
3. Repeatedly turns down a marriage proposal from "the handsomest man in town," because he's "a brainless brute," --- who does not respect her interests and only wants her for her looks.
4. Rescues her father from the Beast by offering to stay in his place.
5. She was pretty inept at fighting those wolves, but she did try.
6. Falls in love with the Beast despite his "monstrous form" because of what's on the inside.

Beauty and the Beast came out in 1991. I was 14. It was the last Disney movie I loved. Whether that relates to my age or the movies ... 

Belle is a heroine, a protagonist. She is not a passive part in her own story. 

Cinderella, Snow White, and Aurora -- they all know how to work hard and stay sweet and talk to animals, but they just wait around for a handsome dude to make their lives better. 

Belle takes action. Belle falls in love over time, with a person - not a face.

The movie scared my daughter a little, so we don't watch it. But when I read our Little Golden Book version several times per week, we take turns singing the song - she's amazingly good, by the way!
She knows that "Gaston is not nice." She knows when the Beast is sad and hurt, and she feels badly for him and shows no fear of his appearance. I'm not sure she knows that the handsome prince on the last page was the Beast all along. But she will.

I don't recall Belle directly inspiring me in 1991. Looking back, I do see that while I may have strayed, I never settled.

I hope my daughter will be able to say the same. I hope she'll know the transformative power of love.

I hope marketers don't lower Merida's neckline in the years to come.

Shut your Mouth, and Open your Ears

Okay, that's not really what the yoga teacher said.

In describing the breathing to our few newbies, she said "Press your lips together." (Ujjayi Pranayama, or Ocean Breath, comes through the nose while constricting the throat.)

She went on to explain why she doesn't do the practice when instructing. I can't quite recall a full quote. But here's what I took away: it helps your practice to "use your listening."
And it's SO TRUE. I've been doing yoga for years. I know what nearly all the poses look like. I don't need to see the teacher do them. But I always look. It's a distraction. One I didn't even notice I was free of. But perhaps it helps explain my affinity for this place.

These two thoughts came toward the beginning of the practice. And I had to chuckle to myself.

• Shut your Mouth, and Open your Eyes. 
• Sit down, and Shut up.
• Be still, and Listen.

How often do I try to get myself to do just that? (Answer: VERY.)

Our fearless leader came back to the listening theme throughout practice. Not just listening to the poses called. Listening to your body. 

• Pushing it to do something you haven't tried before. 
• Backing off when that seems right.
• Letting it "go" without letting your mind get in the way.

She also advised, listening without "story-telling." Actually, I can't quite remember exactly how she put it. I immediately drew a parallel to conversations with others -- you should always try to listen completely to what the other person is saying, rather than trying to formulate your next statement while they're talking. It's not my finest talent.

And then? I realized anew why I have a hard time "being in the moment" - because I'm always "story-telling." Even when I'm not in a conversation, I'm thinking how I'll describe it when I tell someone about it. Yep, that includes thinking about writing this post. (Ta-da! What do you think?)

I tried not to. I'm pretty sure the only times I fully succeeded were when the practice got REALLY hard, and I had focus on not falling down or barfing. Oh! And a few other times! Like when I did this again --

Except this time? I did it without just kneeing the crap out of my triceps. I actually really balanced, like you're supposed to. See - I had to - I wore shorts and was too ridiculously sweaty to cheat with friction.

But enough about me. Let's talk about you. What do you think of me? ... I'm listening ... 

Now Hear This

"Now here or Nowhere."
-- said my yoga teacher on Thursday

A little cheesy. But those yoga quotes often are.
What matters is that they resonate.
And this one did.

I don't have the world's easiest time staying in the moment.
The three times I really have - twice snorkeling, and during my daughter's birth.

But I'm doing better. I don't get to spend as much time with my daughter as I'd like. So it's important to me (and for her!) that I'm present in those moments.

I'm pretty solid on no technology getting between us. (Well, except needing to take especially adorable pictures & email or post them!)

But my mind does wander.
There's a lot on my plate. I'm kind of a big deal. {**chortle**}

This new little mantra is a nice quick one -

• Pops in my head when I find it wandering.
• Reminds me that those veggies for tomorrow's salad can roast later; block towers should NOT wait.
• Gives me absolute confidence that a pedicure is THE most important thing happening on a given afternoon.

• It is less successful in helping me cope with elbows to the boob at bedtime.

As to that yoga class? I think it may have nearly killed me, but I wouldn't trade it.
I really was just there. 
This new studio? Rocks.
They push me like I would never push myself. But in an awesome, empowering way.
Sure, I felt like someone beat the living crap out of me the next day, but at the time? I kicked ass.


I did 2 things I haven't done for years.


This:

And this:

When I am in motion - I am now here.


When I am still ---- still working on it.


Now here or Nowhere.