Picture Perfect (no pictures included)

Written Saturday during a down moment. Forgot or couldn't post till now. That's living. :)

I had a picture perfect Thanksgiving. So, obviously, I took no
pictures. Well, almost none. Just one of my daughter making a turkey craft.
Neither the picture nor the turkey turned out well. But we had fun.

The rest of the day, I kind of forgot to take pictures. Much as I love
pictures, I tend to think that is the sign of really great day. (No
offense, shutterbugs!)

My husband, daughter & I got to spend some quality time, just the
three of us, before company arrived. We took the dog to the
playground. There we met TWO other dogs, so the dog was happy. Kiddo
adored one of the other dog’s little human. And mommy got on well with
her mommy. Numbers were exchanged. We’ll see what happens.

Regardless, what a great morning! An hour & a half in the sunshine
before an early nap.
EARLY NAP – still patting myself on the back for that one. Company
arrived just an hour before usual naptime. Can you imagine the
cooperation we’d have gotten if we’d waited? I can, but I’d rather
not.

Dog-show watching with in-laws while kiddo napped. Occasional
allowance of football. SNACKS – as in little smokies & spinach dip –
thank YOU, Pinterest!

A delightful little girl woke up, spent some QT with the
longer-distance grandparents. Then my parents & a good friend from the
olden days arrived.

Football was watched. Food was consumed.

Kiddo behaved like (nearly) an angel --- at least until I gave her a
little surprise for said good behavior. That’s apparently a good time
to get a little evil.

Perhaps the highlight of the day was how little the little one liked
her pie. She’d been requesting pie for the previous 20 hours or so,
and it was the first thing she asked for in the morning, the thing she
begged for before nap & before dinner.
I’d question our relation over her dislike of pumpkin pie, but she did
love the whipped topping!

The Next Generation

There are things we enjoy passing on to our children. And there are things we wish we could avoid but just can't.

What I'd like to avoid is tantrums. And acting out for mom & dad, while being an angel at school and for grandparents. And yep - that's something I passed on. Apparently, I used to change behavior in a heartbeat upon my mom's return. Turnabout; fair play; all that jazz. But you know what, I don't feel like talking about tantrums. And it's my blog.

Let's talk about Enjoyment!

I hope to pass on to my daughter - some geeky loves. I have scored some small successes.
Earlier today, we had a tea party with Data among the attendees. (Yes, I have an action figure. It was a gag gift. One I never parted with, but a gag gift nonetheless.)
We're not quite ready to sit down to an episode of TNG, but a girl can dream.

A little less geeky but a more resounding success - Puff the Magic Dragon. Sure, it's a pretty standard children's story / folk song. Yet, I would trace my love of SciFi/Fantasy to those TV adaptations in the late 70s.
I always felt terrible for Puff. How could Jackie Paper leave him behind. Perhaps that's why I never completely left him behind myself.
But we do, as we grow older, lose a little of our imagination. The ability to truly be in Honalee.
If we allow it, having children can allow us to take back a little.
Which is why I literally snatched this book up when I saw it at the library.

The illustrations are beautiful. 

I have never simply read it to her. We sing it. Obviously.

She actually requests it. And she'll ask for it again when we get to the end. And I'm no singer. It's got to be the pictures. And perhaps the story.

The power of her imagination validated, in page and in song.

She has taken to naming the occasional imaginary guest Honalee and Jackie Paper.

And then there's Junie Paper.

Junie?

It's the name we gave her, and she's the best part of this book.

See the guy in the back? That's Jackie Paper. Her daddy. He told her about Puff. She went to Honalee and brought him out of his cave.

See his smile? That's the joy of allowing your child's imagination to run wild. While you get to sit back & watch. And remember.

From the Trenches: Tantrum Survival (so far)

First - YIKES! I knew it had been awhile. But my last post was September 22nd! A whole month! Nothing in particular to explain it. Just - you know - stuff.

Anyway, enough about that. 

I have a few posts I've been thinking about in that time & hope to get to them soon. But right now? I just need to talk a little about tantrums.

Perhaps I can help someone survive their own. I know writing about it will help me.

So. Here goes!

We've survived 3 fairly big tantrums in the past 24 hours. And can I just say? -- wow. I deserve this Halloween candy 9 days early.

Does it ever seem like tantrums are a direct result of doing something extra fun?

Like going to the pumpkin patch with a couple other little families. Then dinner back at our place. Then when the last other child leaves, yours is so let down that SHE JUST CAN'T SEEM TO FIND HER LISTENING EARS!!!?!! WHERE DID THEY GO? NOT TO MENTION HER NORMAL VOICE INSTEAD OF THAT INCESSANT WHINE!??!!

Or like letting her wear her Halloween costume early. Then expecting her to willingly take it off to eat lunch. And heaven help you if the darned rescue pack isn't on tightly enough. And PS - pretending to talk to Diego on your phone about how he doesn't wear his rescue pack to nap - is NOT going to help. She knows he's not on the phone. Obviously. Because he's right there in her hand! Can't you see him?!!

Okay. My extremely brief summation of the incidents has led me to an irrefutable conclusion about the costume incidents. My fault. i.e. preventable. Of course, she wouldn't want to take it off. And just because she asked about it, didn't mean I had to give it to her. Probably saying "wait till after lunch" would have incited a small tantrum, but oh - what I got was not small.

So -- survival step 1 -

Avoid obvious set-ups to tantrums.

I'm not saying hide your family away in the house & never do anything fun. She had a great time at the pumpkin patch & playing with my friends son. We had a nice time socializing with adults, even if it was doing a "family friendly activity." In the case of last night, we just had to grit our teeth & get through it.

Bringing me to -- survival step 2 -

Grit your teeth & get through it.

You're the adult. If you snap & yell back, you only reinforce the behavior. You show that that is exactly how people handle frustration. It can't last forever, right? (Right? RIGHT?!!?!)

I am proud (& a little surprised) to report that I did not snap during the first 2 tantrums. But yep, I sure did (not badly, but I did) during the 3rd.

So, now to -- survival step 3 -

Take a time-out if you need it.

After my little snap during the last tantrum, I apologized to my daughter and told her I was taking a time out to try to calm down. I literally went and stood in the corner until I felt a little better. In the corner, I realized that what she was asking for (or had briefly been asking for before she started screaming & bawling incessantly) was to have her "Rescue Pack" on tighter.

And thus -- survival step 4 -

Don't not cave just for the sake of not caving.

That's what I was doing in the naptime scenario. Pretty much just as stubborn as a toddler, right? If at all possible, I try to get her to ask again in her "normal voice" for whatever it is. That way it's not (technically) like she got what she wanted because she threw the tantrum. Then I try to talk calmly about how we could have avoided the tantrum if she had just talked in her normal voice. That the tantrum hurt us both & blahblahblah.

But also -- survival step 5 -

Don't cave just for the sake of stopping the tantrum.

Last night's tantrum resulted because kids don't like consequences. (And really? Who does?) Just before our friends & their son left, the 2 kiddos were playing drums & piano. My daughter decided that she should have all instruments, and the other child none. We asked her to please share before he left. And that we could then go and watch a little Diego. Nope. After they left, I asked her to please sit on the potty before we put on jammies & watched a little Diego. Nope. So -- into her bedroom we went. UTTER DEVASTATION. She assured us she wanted to be good & behave. We explained how that was wonderful but didn't change the consequences of previous behavior. Just under 30 minutes of intense toddler tantrum later, she decided to ask (in a normal voice) for something else - a different pair of jammies. Random. But doable. So I went and got them, and my husband started books. She didn't even get so far as to get the new jammies on. I read like 1 more book and she was out. (Tantrums are exhausting. See also step 1.)

My husband might roll his eyes (or laugh), but I honestly felt good about last night's tantrum -- afterward. I feel like she learned that there are boundaries, expectations & consequences. That sometimes they're hard, but that she's capable of living within them. I know she noticed that we sat there calmly through the tantrum, spoke kindly to her & each other, and that afterward we had big hugs and kisses all around.

You can't win 'em all. But with a little effort, you can learn from 'em all.

Oh, but PS. Did you notice how all 3 tantrums are somehow related to Diego? It's all his fault. ;P

A Convenient Inconvenience

For the past few months, I've been (sporadically) working hard on a presentation for my state-level professional organization.
I've been attending its conference annually for the past few years, helped organize the last two, but this was my first as a presenter.
I was excited. I was honored.
But somehow, I kept forgetting the date.

Like when my parents checked & rechecked that I'd be able to take them to the airport if they left for Nebraska on September 22nd. Of course. Yeah, sure - whatever.

Except September 21st was the big presentation. In Fort Lauderdale. Five hours away.

Now, the thing is? We all like learning things and comparing notes on professional matters. But it's also a solid social tradition. Times are had. And Friday night is the main event.

When I first pieced together that I couldn't stay Friday night, I may have literally smacked my forehead. Then I sorta let it go. I figured it would just keep me out of trouble, so to speak. Then as departure grew nearer, I got happier & happier about it. And when I left Thursday morning for work, I  was downright ecstatic to be able to tell my daughter: "I'll see you tomorrow night." (Sure, I had to drive the length of Florida twice in between, but I digress.)

That hug on Friday night with the accompanying "Mommy!" and insanely huge hug? - no place I'd rather be.

Then today. When I would have been nursing a hangover of whatever magnitude, while sitting in a conference room. (Well, first we got up at the crack of dawn to take my parents to the airport. But then ..) we went to Cracker Barrel for a darned delightful breakfast.

Even the hash brown casserole couldn't compare to the General Store though. My little girl apparently is ready to be a big sister or something.

So sweet to watch. But really, after 15 solid minutes, we did have to pick her up & carry her out (with just a little kicking & screaming). Because hey - we had to get to ...

to the ZOO!!!!

Kiddo had 2 speeds: Flat-out-Run and Mommy-will-you-carry-Me? Because really, how can you pace yourself when there are leopard cubs? And giraffes to feed? And ELEPHANTS?

It was Elephant Appreciation Day, and they were selling paintings -- BY THE ELEPHANTS. So of course, we bought one. Because - it benefits Elephant Rescue, and what could be cooler in a little girl's room, for pete's sake!?

Also, as it turns out, the Zoo parking lot is a good place to have your battery be totally dead. Thanks Jacksonville Zoo security - that was one prompt & friendly jump.

And all this before I would even have left Fort Lauderdale. All in all, this little inconvenience worked out pretty conveniently for my little family.

Best part - we still have all day tomorrow! :)

In Defense of not Caring

Not caring what other people think, that is.

Remember when you were younger & spent too much time caring what other people thought about what you did? Maybe you even missed out on some fun because you were afraid of looking dumb?

C'mon. Admit it. Don't be afraid.

And if you still hold back out of fear of looking dumb ... Stop, you're probably missing some fun.

Here are some example just from the past 36 hours or so.

1. Walking on the beach in my work clothes.

I had to work yesterday. (Yes, on Saturday. It was my turn.) After work, I'd scheduled a haircut. The salon is literally spitting distance from the ocean. I had piled up to head home, when I looked left and thought - "There's the ocean. I should take a walk on the beach. Duh." So I turned left, parked & headed over. Then I noticed other people milling about in shorts & tanks, as well as - you know - bathing suits. Then I realized I'd probably look pretty weird in my dress pants and blouse. Then I thought "{expletive} it," and kicked off my flats. Yes, the the beach is nice when you're in comfy clothes and can really stay awhile. But the beach at all is still the beach.

2. Letting my kid eat chips for dinner on family date night at a local Mexican joint.

Certainly, that was not the plan. However, it's not like the Saturday burrito treat is some pinnacle of health food. So when she asks for chip after chip? Choose your battles. See also: all-day-buy-one-get-one drafts.

3. Letting her lay on the floor in a bookstore.

We have this atheists' tendency to forget that most places open late on Sunday. So there we were, trying to buy a table 30 minutes before the furniture store opened. Lucky for us, there was a lovely Books-A-Million with a slammin' kids' section in the same little strip. She literally ran right to that rack of books, grabbed that one & flopped on the floor. Because - hey, how's she to know to act differently there than at the library? And as for me? I breast-fed her for a year for the good immune system, so what do I care about a few germs? Anyway, it was early. I bet they vacuumed right before she laid there.

4. And finally, I must confess to actually encouraging dress-up with the crazy hat display.

Because I've never actually known anyone who got lice from trying on hats. My only regret is not getting a good pic of the one that makes it look like a shark is eating her head.

PS - It's added awesome to encounter people who know this secret too. 

Our neighbor hung outside this AM talking to us for a good half hour in her pajamas. Because she'd come out just to tell her husband something, when my little ball-of-energy went running over to get kisses from their dog, then proceeded to grab any & everything within her reach in their garage. Good stuff.

At the bookstore, we certainly made a few friends.
At the furniture store, when kiddo suddenly decided she never wanted to leave - I threw her under my arm, all wiggles & wailing, and walked out. Parents of a similar-aged girl, "We feel your pain. Have a nice day."

At the grocery store, when kiddo decided she definitely had to run back to the cart after bathroom break and throw the bouncy ball she'd grabbed. I, again, manhandled her and wrestled her back into the cart. A mom with 2 kids in her cart scooted past us and smiled, "Think happy thoughts," she said.

Indeed, think happy thoughts. 

A Week. And a Day.

This week has been a little rough.
After a month in my new post, I had to "flex" and help out where needed. I'd been loving said new post, so I was sad. Then I found myself less flexible than I thought I was, and I lost it a little.
There were a few other things eating at me too, and blahblahblah.

But then today happened.
And I have a bunch of work to do, BUT I just need to stop and record some of the highlights of an awesome day.
An awesome day that I really needed.
An awesome day that, if I had more time, I could write 10 posts about.

1. I got to do my "new" job again today. And it was one of my favorite days. ALS clinic. You might think that spending the day with people with a horrible illness would be horrible. But you would be wrong. For the most part, it is inspiring. It is awesome to see how families rally, how they not only "deal" but sometimes even thrive. It is amazing to be  a part of a team that can provide them with resources, information and support. I love hearing about the cool things my colleagues do, and I love helping the patients myself.
2. I sent a, I think, non-whiny / non-bitchy email to my boss about some of my concerns. I was proud of it. I did 2 things that are very scary for me professionally -- admitting that my job is not my first priority (i.e. my family is), and admitting that I can't do everything well that they think I can do well (i.e. that there are limits to my flexibility). Both are true, and it might as well be known.
3. At some point, I posted a dorky thing on Facebook. My husband commented, and I did in fact "LOL" - and repeatedly for a good hour, thinking about it. And just the other day, I was trying to tell him that he wasn't funny. Here it is ---

4. My boss actually came & talked to me about my concerns. And actually did what was possible for now to help out. And I ended the conversation feeling better overall about the professional future. Weirdly. Because I do think that maybe I ended up looking less "upwardly mobile" or whatever. But then I realized that, at least for now, I don't mind.
5. My afternoon appointments cancelled, so I got to leave early. Which is funny, because longer hours was one of my concerns. (Ha!) soooo ... theeeen ...
6. I got my kiddo early & went to the park!!  It was raining, but I didn't care. Neither did she. The rain stopped most of the time, and who cares about wet pants when the slide is awesome? Not us.
7. At home, I finished a book, while she watched a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. (Louise Erdrich's Porcupine Year. I guess it is for young readers, but I'm still young, right?)
8. Kiddo had earned 5 stars, so I gave her a new book from the goodie closet - Dinosours. How cute & heart-warming to watch her "read"  it to herself a few times before giving me a turn. (A favorite song right now is "We are the Dinosaurs" by Laurie Berkner. Roar!)
9. This guy is AWESOME. His lullabies are put her out! And she is actually staying in bed longer since we got him.


10. Now I'm sitting here with wine & chocolate. The end.
(Oh, except that work I have to do! Please excuse any typos. Gotta run!!)

Lessons Learned on Life & Love

Too little to learn.
But I guess that's relative, and subjective.

He's 5. She's 2 and a half.
She has adored him from day one. And the adoration only grows.
When his family first moved next door, he wanted to show her all his toys and would talk your ear off to keep us outside just a few more minutes.
But over the past year. He's started school, grown up, etc.

I took my daughter for a quick swim at the community pool this morning.
I'd entirely forgotten there was a big party for the holiday.
Or did I even open that email?
We had a nice enough time. (With some usual for right-now shenanigans & loss of listening ears.)

Then we saw our neighbors.
Great, I thought. And it was great to see them.
Then it was time for us to go. And she wanted a hug.
She in her Swimmer & SafeTSeal Vest.
He in his goggles, showing off for kindergarten friends.
Of course he didn't want to hug her. Of course. I saw that. I understood.
I tried to get her to leave. She wouldn't. Cried his name. "I want a hug."
I broke down and even asked him myself.
He pretended not to hear me.

I scooped her up. All tears, screams and writhing. I grabbed our bag and made it to our truck as quickly as possible. I hugged her tightly. I told her boys don't always want to hug you when you want them to. I told her I loved her.

What else can you do?

At the back of my mind, I can't remember whether I asked her if she wanted to hug him goodbye. And if I did or didn't? So what, really.

Boys don't always want to hug you when you want them to. Or girls for that matter. Disappointment is out there. That was her lesson. We all relearn that regularly.

I know the day will come with bigger disappointments and heartaches. I cherish every moment that doesn't hold tears. I cherish that, for now, I can stop the tears with a hug, a kiss, and a few whispered words.



My lesson was this -
Kids start caring what other people think all too soon.
I knew he didn't want to hug her. And I knew exactly why.
Because it was embarrassing. Because the kids his age might laugh at him for being friends with a baby.
I understood.
Then it hit me - a 5-year old cares what other people think? Those expectations are already upon us at such a young age? We can't just be who we want to be & be unafraid of judgment? .. even then?
And? --- I took it for granted.

I know the day will come all too soon that it's my daughter on the giving end of the disappointment. The day she'll decide whether or not to do something based on what her friends will think.
I will hate that day.
The end of innocence.



So till that day - I cherish each moment completely lacking in pretension. Announcements to full restaurants that you've pooped (be it in your pants or in the potty). Conspicuous playing with imaginary friends and talking to dolls or her fingers. Wearing Hello Kitty rainboots with everything. Making funny faces for the camera anytime mommy asks.

What else can you?